32.

I don’t care about you, I’m feeling 32.

Yes, another year conquered in this lifetime and a lot has happened for the past 365 days. You see, I’ve been on a writing hiatus for some time as well as maintaining a low-key social media profile. I am not updating much as I do before because I’m getting older and getting those likes and hearts are just a thing in the past.

I wish for a peaceful and simple life. May my dreams slowly unfold as the years go by. I appreciate God’s way of reminding me of his existence whenever I want to give up or when I start to be anxious. He has his ways to lift me up and ways to make me humble. Life is not easy but with him it’s bearable.

Every day I still bargain to God if I can hold my mama’s hand again even for just 5 minutes. I miss her still and even if I’ve grown bigger than the void she left me, the pain is still fresh. Occasionally, I am still crippled by my loneliness. I wish I was able to spend more time with her but adversity and grief taught me valuable lessons. I should not regret the lost time we should have spent but recall only the best memories. Parents love their children even if they can’t express it. The mere fact that they let you eat, provide your education ( I know it’s a right ), and care for you are already signs that they value you. They could have aborted, left and let you do child labor if they don’t love you. I mean, I appreciate the sacrifices my parents and Tito Edsel did. In return, I just want to be a good person who continues to dream and achieve the life I wanted for myself because I know that they are proud of me and it won’t hurt if I will make them prouder even more.

I left my home for almost 11 years to embark on a new journey to a new city. It was hard to leave a place you’ve known so well. A lot happened in this place and I am forever grateful for the memories. A chapter may have ended but the story lives on.

The new workplace is refreshing to my senses. I met a lot of new people, new teams, and new roles. I’ve reached my saturation point and venturing into something new was indeed what I need to regain a part of me. I’m glad I’m working from home right now and I wish that it’ll be forever. Kidding.

Every storm ends. My life may be a series of unfortunate events, of losing, of trying, of falling, and of starting over again. I get used to the feeling and I no longer become too overly dramatic if I fail or if I lose people or pets. I’ve used to the feeling of losing people and pets I value that losing one made me numb. I’ve lost my rock so other losses can’t trample me as much as I’m crushed before. I’m slowly healing and each day is a progress.

I tried new things I’m not even good at. I tried to conquer my fears and anxieties. My life right now is not what I dreamed to be but I guess it’s a prelude to something I’m ought to become. May this year be filled with great memories and may I be able to free myself from the anxieties that life has to offer. Time heals old wounds.

I aged well. I guess I like how my mind is wired this time and I hope I will be able to write more this year.

Wishing myself a happy birthday.

May I be able to travel far this 2022 to keep my sanity in place. I love you, God. Thanks for another year to remind me to strive harder because I’m an ambitious human being who wants to travel to more places abroad.

Excited about what I will be writing in 2022. Cliche and tacky as it sounds but may this new age be good to me.