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Monthly Archives: May 2015

The Friendzone.

I cannot just forget you. It’s like a disease that I am constantly battling hoping I will be cured anytime soon. Every day I keep asking myself about us… is there really such thing as forever? Prolly yes, prolly no.

I want to forget you because it hurts too bad already. It sucks to be a meantime girl not knowing her place in your own damn world. I am running desperate in finding ways to simply forget all the care that I feel inside me towards you. I hate it when you start explaining when I wanted to ignore you. My life suddenly revolves in a world where you are part of. It sucks to always spend time with you because I become too dependent of your presence. We are not together. We are not lovers. We are just friends — best of friends perhaps but again we are not lovers.

Blogging has been my therapy and this post makes me want to throw up because I am fully aware of how stupid I can be yet I let myself be so stupid. If only you were able to see my reaction. I wanted to ignore you earlier and let the day pass by not talking. It’s just too stupid of me of actually waiting for your stupid reply if we’ll eat or not when in fact it’s never been an issue if I’m alone or whatever. Things with you are quite different it scares me big time. I hate caring too much because I know how it feels to be totally broken and forsaken. God forbids, I don’t want it to happen again. I don’t want to spend another 7 years of my life rehashing everything that have happened and limit myself from finding someone who can actually save me from my own demons. Oh well.

Again, I’m stuck in a gigantic maze trying to figure my way out. I am not even worth those words I wanted to hear from you since time immemorial. I am the amazing friend who will never leave him behind no matter how I wanted to. This friendzone thing really drives me nuts but I guess this is really how it supposed to be. I remembered how I felt too guilty not telling you when someone invited me for lunch — I should not even feel that way because I am single and not even committed to anyone, to you. I can do whatever I want to do. I am actually free just pretending to be not. I am not making myself available to others hoping what we currently have may evolve into something a bit cheesier. Yeah right.

You are my nightmare dressed like a daydream. You are the sweetest kind of pain I am willing to endure because you make me happy.

I just want you to tell me straight that you can’t love me, that you hate me, that I cannot be your girlfriend, that I am just the best friend anyone can actually have whatever… kindly do me a favor, please break my heart as early as now. Marry someone, crushed me into pieces before I am too old to realize that I am waiting for someone who is actually not ready to be mine and not even proud to have me.

Enough said.

 
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Posted by on May 30, 2015 in Uncategorized

 

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Bantayan Island: Not Your Ordinary Paradise

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Chill Rating: ☺☺☺☺☺

One of the best weekend spent on the beach with friends. It’s so nice to finally commune in nature after some tiring week of school and work related stress. It has been my lifelong dream to travel and write about the world we are currently in. I must admit I am not really a writer, I am just a blogger who writes from her soul. This will be one of my few summer adventures that I will be blogging just because this place is really worth every single share. Bantayan Island is located west of the northernmost part of Cebu province. It’s actually one of the largest in the whole Bantayan Island Group which is composed of not more than 20 islands. Most tourists visit the island during Holy Week because it is the island’s fiesta. Party goers from all walks of life are enjoying the scenic view, eat, drink and definitely be merry! I love partying but since I am an ambivert ( partly extrovert, partly introvert) Bantayan is the best place for solitude so I rather choose Boracay for the party scene and let Bantayan be Bantayan — I want to savor its serenity and wander around when there’s a lesser crowd. Now, enough of my introduction and let’s start rehashing my less than 24 hours stay in the beautiful paradise that made me realized that life is too short to waste  in worries. I remembered swimming under the stars and the full moon. It was so blissful and should I say solitude at its finest. Thank you Lord for the needed break. I finally have unwind from all the hustles and bustles of my city life. I could not thank you enough for the beautiful weather and clear skies that night. I am in one with your creation and it has been an awesome experience . It actually reminded me that you exist and that you’ll always be there watching us no matter what.

And again, to cut the drama short… let’s start talking about Bantayan Island — such a beautiful place to wander.

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I left home at around 6:00 am and took the 6:50 bus to Cadiz for 95 pesos. When you reached the terminal, there will be trike drivers who will offer to bring you to the port where the fast craft is. It depends on the number of people so I suggest go in groups so that you’ll pay only 20 – 25 pesos from Cadiz terminal to its port. For 290 pesos, you’ll be able to reach Bantayan Island in 3 hours depending on the weather. Make sure you reached the port before 9:00 am or else, you’ll wait for tomorrow because there’s only one trip each day.

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Bantayan Island is 4 hours away from Bacolod and most of the travel time is spent on the sea. Nevertheless, the place is really worth the time spent waiting. After we reached Bantayan Port, we went to Grez Bell, a restaurant nearby which offers delicious and mouth watering delicacies. Since everyone is so busy with regard to the Pacman and Mayweather fight, we waited for almost an hour but again, it’s worth it. I ordered chicken curry and I swear I love it. My friends ordered steamed veggies and sizzling squid.

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After our oh so fully loaded meal — we are off to see more of the sun, sand and definitely the BEACH!!! Oh yeah! But first we roam around the municipality’s market to check out some goodies. It’s nice and very affordable.

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You need to ride a trike for 25 pesos in order to reach the beach resorts in Sta. Fe which is a 15 – 20 minute ride from the wharf.

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Most of my travel time was spent on daydreaming the white beaches and cloud watching.

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cloud watching to budyong

There are several beach front resorts you can choose from when you reach Bantayan Island. Prices of these resorts range as little as P1,500 to P5,000 per night. Finally, we’re in Budyong Beach Resort! Budyong Beach Resort is one of the most affordable resort in Bantayan Island. It is a nicec place to stay if you are into a great beach experience with your family and friends. The resort takes pride of its location and staff that are very helpful and accomodating. They are recommending activities that make your stay in the island very worthwhile and that includes tricycle transfers, boat and bike rentals. It’s one of the choices when you want a beach resort with powdery white sands and beachfront cottages that offers the best view of the sea. Swimming in front of the resort is also good because the water is clean,cool and no big rocks that can hurt your feet whether it’s high tide or low tide. The place is so serene and calm, just the perfect place for you to destress and unwind. I will surely recommend the resort to my friends.

Budyong Beach Resort Website: http://budyong.byethost7.com/budyong/index.html

For reservations and inquiries, please feel free to reach them thru the following: 

Phone : (032) 438-9285
Mobile : 09213145275
Email : budyongbeachresort@hotmail.com

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Best place to stay with family or friends and just commune with nature.

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We stayed in a fan room worth 1300 pesos which is already good for 4 persons and the only room available that day.

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Front Desk

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Time to feel the island vibe first before we start the fun… fresh green mango shake from Budyong’s Restaurant! It is so refreshing — definitely a must try.

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More pictures of Budyong Beach Resort hoping it will entice you too to stay there… 🙂

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It was such a beautiful place to stay. Late in the afternoon after we’ve settled down, we decided to go island hopping, snorkeling and swimming. It was an amazing experience unfortunately I don’t have a watercam or GoPro to capture the corals and fishes that I’ve seen as well as the beautiful full moon that really capped of my stay. It was a one of a kind experience — my Bantayan Universe experience.

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The moon that is so full and BEAUTIFUL! The best island experience.

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I am such a speed fan and it’s nice to be reunited with an old love. Happiness on wheels and brakes, I am swooned and so excited to test my biking skills after all these years.

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And just what I’ve thought… I still got the skills. I feel so alive and happy. It’s me and my bike to places I’ve never been. Thank you Bantayan Island for making me feel like a kid again. I owe you such a memorable experience. Thank you Lord for keeping me safe too. 🙂

After the island hopping adventures, we were super hungry. We rented bikes and pedalled our way to the most recommended restaurant of the locals — HR Restaurant. Time to fill the growling stomach with sumptous delicacies. Gambas! Chicken! Sinigang! Halo-Halo! Yahoooooo!

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The bar is actually so chill but I decided to be sober that day. I swear I’ll drink on my next visit.

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 And my friends went to buy something as souvenirs while I am biking all over the various blocks.

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Time to swim under the moon and the stars. I will just close my eyes and rekindle the most beautiful memory. Solitude at its finest. I was just there lying on the sand under the infinite stars watching the clouds clear up to give way to the moon. Definitely a-MAY-zing! 🙂

I woke up early to catch the breaking dawn and I was not able to miss it. I was there watching the sun as it totally breaks free.

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Now, time for my usual beach routine — a walk in the beach, alone. There is really something about solitude that makes me feel alive. I know I am weird but I guess I am used to that alone but never lonely feeling. I got God watching me and I am watching his creations. Every beach trip is always an experience I cherished. I captured some of the sights I saw while walking the long stretch of white sand.

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After some walking, time for some biking before we go home.

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Saying goodbye was a little bit hard but the experience is fulfilling. I think I left a piece of my heart to the island that fueled my artistic side. I can now write my thoughts and emotions again. I must say — I was so happy in less than 24 hours and I will definitely come back soon.

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Goodbye island life, until we meet again.

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Posted by on May 5, 2015 in 25, adventures, beach, life, personal, travel

 

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Just Because…

Finally, I decided to write before I totally explode.

I feel a little sad, kinda depressed or maybe just a bit lonely… I can also blame the rainy weather for the past two days that actually heightens my emo side. I have no idea where all of these are coming from but nevertheless, I can feel my heart wallowing into the most painful emotions I can ever imagine. First, I am totally frustrated. Honestly, after graduation I hear a lot of comments from friends even teachers and mentors why I did not graduate with honors when I actually deserved it. Usually I smile and tell them that it’s just how it is. I am stupid in accounting and I did not make it — plain and simple. I get so tired rehashing all the things in my academic life so I rather blame myself from being incompetent when in reality I know I am not. I brushed it off because I don’t think it would be healthy for me to continuously talk about what have happened. I already said my piece before and I don’t want to be bitter anymore. I shed tears no one could ever imagined, I don’t talk about it, I just let it die like other issues life has to offer but I guess you cannot just remove the stain so easily. If I will just be real, I guess I have been whining and ranting but I am simply controlling myself. I feel so bad when I know how I too exerted effort to make ends meet in my graduate school life. I have achieved a lot only to fail in the end but I accepted that truth, even the best fall down sometimes.

Also, this being single is getting off my nerves lately. Is it just me or my raging hormones trying to control me again or probably another shitty jealousy with someone? I don’t care but I just want to say my piece. I am frustrated with my situation. It’s been months or should I say years of fighting, of constantly trying to escape from this feelings… of letting go and of hurting. How stupid can I actually get? I am aware that I am actually stupid and that what I am doing is stupid and that texting him is actually stupid and waiting for him to say those words again is actually stupid. No matter how I wallow and rant on why am I not even worth the words I know I will end up with nothing. It’s like my insecurities are boosted when I know I can’t be like her girl friends who can actually be her wife because they do the same shits and I am boring with all the degrees I have and me trying to be just nice. I am not a prude but I left something for myself, a little dignity — but I don’t think it’s cool. Anyways, this is my complicated shitty love life I am trying to escape from for years. It’s like I’m the best example of friendzoned at its finest. I found myself attracted to another guy yet he’s married and the idea of really pursuing this crush thing sickens me to death. It’s pathetic, I am more than that even know I find his mind a little interesting and the way he looks at me makes me actually wonder what’s running in his mind. I enjoy his company and I know he feels the same way with me yet we all know our limits. It was so easy to let go because I know there’ll be no chance for us so I go back again to the one I loved and again feel the hurt of being not enough. This is so not me. The feelings changed me into someone who looks out for another human being and putting him as one of my priorities. It scares me but just like drugs, I am drawn to him even if I know it’s bad. I know that eventually he’ll just hurt me. I know that in the end he’ll just tell me we’re just friends and then what’s next? I’ll have my own pity party and be wasted. No degree of whatsoever can actually find me love!!! I always ask myself… am I not enough? I am not a lawyer, a doctor, a super model, a pretty lady with a 36-24-36 vital statistics and definitely not like Georgina Wilson or any celebrity she’s crushing on. I am just myself — and I guess it will never be enough.

Life is a little shitty nowadays and I actually want to cry. I don’t know when will my problems end or as if it will ever end. Family issues to deal with. Career that is now a little bit stable but some process really gets into my nerves as well and I just want to scream all the way telling people to stop trying so hard to be great leaders when in fact, they are creating a chaotic environment. Holy guacamole! I hope you’ll realized  that some of you guys seriously need some refresher on right way to lead.

That’s my May weather thoughts and I know that I will regret blogging this again when my hormones become stable but nevertheless I will not delete this just because I am a coward. Read it people. Read it friends. This is me, I am a universe full of unsaid emotions and thoughts. Welcome to my world… my pains, my frustrations and my reality.

This is how my story goes on video…

P.S.: Don’t pity me. I will survive this mess so just pray for me instead. 🙂

 
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Posted by on May 3, 2015 in Uncategorized

 

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