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Monthly Archives: December 2013

It’s That Time Of The Year Again

Merry Christmas.

24 years of celebrating Christmas and as years passes by it’s getting a little different. It’s not how it used to be though but I know I still have the essentials. I still have my mom and my uncle despite our generation gap, we were still able to meet halfway. Despite my cheery demeanor, I too have problems to deal with but I guess life would be meaningless without challenges.

Too much of dramas though… it’s Christmas eve and it’s the best time to reflect.  

My Christmas Eve Prayer

My Lord, I thank you for your never ending love and for not giving up on me by showing me everyday miracles that I should be thankful of.

Thank you for the gift of life and for the lives of the people I value the most.

Thank you for my job that I mostly hate and love all at the same time because it pays our bills and coffee.

Thank you for my friends who kept my secrets and helped me cope up with all of my dilemmas and frustrations that life has to offer.

Thank you for that special person who made this year a little more awesome and for the never ending good times whenever we’re together.

Thank you for my mom… thanks to all of her sacrifices, I’m where I am right now and my desire for growth will always be dedicated to her. It’s not easy to raise someone as difficult as I am, contrary to popular belief.

I’m not easy to deal with especially during my late teenage years.

Oh well.

Thank you for my ever patient uncle who takes good care of my mom whenever I’m out to work, to study or to just sit around doing nothing in a café.

Thank you for the strangers I meet everyday, for the people I’ve smiled, for acquaintances, for the annoying people and for all those random circumstances that have happened.

Thank you Lord for guiding my decisions and for the courage to face its consequences.

Thank you for reminding me that I’m not perfect, that I’m vulnerable, that I’m a sinner because I get to know what humility means and that I don’t always get what I want no matter how I think I deserved it more than anybody else.

I’m sorry for all the sins I’ve committed, for being judgmental and for questioning your will sometimes.

I love you My Lord and thank you so much.

Amen.

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Happy holidays from our home to yours.  Smile and be thankful. It’s Christmas!  🙂

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Posted by on December 24, 2013 in christmas, inspirational, journal, life

 

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Status: It’s Complicated

Love  according to Merriam Webster is
a (1) : strong affection for another arising out of kinship or personal ties
(2) : attraction based on sexual desire : affection and tenderness felt by lovers
(3) : affection based on admiration, benevolence, or common interests

and Romance is defined as
intransitive verb
1 : to exaggerate or invent detail or incident
2 : to entertain romantic thoughts or ideas

transitive verb
1 : to try to influence or curry favor with especially by lavishing personal attention, gifts, or flattery
2 : to carry on a love affair with

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It’s the time of the week again that I feel like talking and writing my opinions before I’m  drowned with my thoughts.

I’ve got lots of stuffs to do such as to read our books for my graduate studies, learn the basics of accounting and that desire to drink cocktails.

I’m stressed out because my emotions suck this past few days. I have questions longing to be asked since time immemorial. I want someone to explain to me why things didn’t work out. I want to get out of this crappy mess I’m involved with.

If only I knew…

Anyways, it’s either real or false reality.

It sucks to be the good friend when in fact you’re hurting big time. It hurts so bad you just want to disappear into the nothingness or maybe hit your head so hard you forget everything and no single emotions left.

It double sucks (if that’s even a word ) if you offer the advice they need when you’re the one swallowing your pride because it’s also the love you fuckin wanted from the start.

If only I can fall out of love but I can’t. No matter how hard I fight it… I just can’t. He knows I’ll always stay and that I’ll choose him over and over because he makes me happy in a non – chalant way. He accepted me for who I am and for who I am not. He makes me write like I never wrote before. He’s not the typical guy. He was heaven sent.

Love is a choice.

You cannot just sleep then wake up one day as if you haven’t feel anything at all. Love is accepting him for who he is despite his vices. Love is that warm feeling you feel when he smiles at you and that connection whenever you talk. It’s how our eyes gleam when we’re so engage in our conversations about life, work and family. It’s how we were that I just can’t forget. You made me believe that it’s all worth a second try… that you can be my prince charming. You’ll always be my “2012”

The Decision.

It’s about time I fight for my own happiness. I need to stay away from the girl even if I valued her as my friend. I’m not staying away because I’m guilty but I want to save myself from hurting over and over again. I’m crushed, wrecked and torn. I don’t want to see her so giddy because of you. I don’t want to see her so hopeful. I hate hearing her love shenanigans. Knowing the guy so well, he deserves more than a lost girl whom I know is a good person despite the loud mouth and her vices. She romanticize things because she’s the type who believes that every boy who hits on her is a potential prince charming. She ends up being hurt over and over.

I’m not like her.

I am strong willed, crazy, witty and the non-conformist. I don’t easily get swayed by sweet gestures or at least doesn’t show it. I don’t drink and kiss then prolly have sex with someone I barely new. I know the things I believed in, my convictions, my principles that are so traditional but I do not just take it for granted. I value myself and I’m doing everything that I can for my name not to be stained. I never begged for love and it’s so hard to tell him that I love him.

I do love him.

I don’t know where it all started. I fell in-between our laughters, our own moments and how sweet you can actually be without even trying. I fell because you cared too well. I don’t know what or how or whatever.

I just fell.

You became a part of me and I choose to be just your friend. I admit that I get jealous. I get jealous when I knew you’re together because I knew how much she loves you. I love you so much I just don’t know if you love me as well. I’ll not assume unless it’s stated even though I can feel it.

I know you like me.

I know you value me.

I hope you’ll choose me.  😦

It’s Complicated.

He values what she feels if ever we’ll be together.
He cares that we’re friends.

It’s so complicated.

 
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Posted by on December 19, 2013 in journal, life, Life Blog

 

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12/08: Being at Home

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This are the days when I start to hate my work because I no longer have all the time to spend at home except of course for sleeping. I am now gathering all the words that I can get in my mind within 15 minutes because I need to prepare for work.

My work requires me to chat with customers and fix their mobile applications and home security. It’s a business-process outsourcing company, one of the leading companies in the Philippines and I owe my graduate studies to them because I availed their educational assistance program. The operations is 24/7 and my shift starts at 12am to 9am.  How cool is that?  Yeah right.
I’m glad to be at home today even if I spent most of my time in my room feeling the remnants of my flu crippling me. I hate that I’m sick for the past few days because of the changing weather that I was not able to do a lot of things. My body just can’t take it anymore but I do have no choice. I still need to go to work and school. 

I feel shit , I mean sick.

Anyways, today I must say is still awesome. I just need a few minutes to feel my existence at home.

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Check out little Christmas Tree!  🙂

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And how happy we used to be… I miss Dad  and how healthy Mama was. This picture was taken 20 Decembers ago.

Love,

Chillerspot ❤

 
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Posted by on December 8, 2013 in journal, life, Life Blog, list

 

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12/07: Coffee

“As long as there was coffee in the world, how bad could things be?” – Cassandra Clare

Tonight, I decided to pamper myself. I was so frustrated or should I say I feel so dumb because I really have no freaking idea about our accounting case study. I feel so stupid. Oh well.

Anyways, life is short to be frustrated and I’m not the types who easily quits. I just want to rest today and enjoy the rest of my December 7.

I’m out with friends, sharing life stories over a cup coffee. I wish people will take time to reminisce the old times and catch up with good old friends.

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It has been a long night. I’m still chilling…

 
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Posted by on December 7, 2013 in life, people

 

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12/04: Attending Class

I’m still working on my master’s degree in Business Administration and I still have at least 3 semesters to go before I finally graduate. I can’t hide my excitement.

Graduate school was really part of my plan when I graduated last 2010. I am weighing all the options if I really want to pursue a Master’s degree in Computer Science which of course will make me such a geek contrary to my crazy demeanor or pursue a Master’s degree in Business Administration which of course will give me a brighter future. I ended up with the latter.

I enjoyed my first semester in graduate school. It was a  breather to my everyday life.  It gave me a sense of normalcy that after three years of working in a world so far than I’ve ever imagined I finally found a direction.

I was able to find my path, my escape to my monotonous and lost life. I’m actually proud of my decisions so far. I’ve invested much towards my education because I know it’ll lead me to success if not then at least realizations that would lead me in finding myself.

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I owe it to the company that I’m currently in my post-graduate studies. I don’t know if I’ll stay after I graduate but I’m still willing to give it a shot. I still want to grow in the company. I want to be promoted because I know I’ll be able to help.  Anyways, I won’t stop though… I won’t stop in finding a career that will make the best out of me. 

(Will be edited )

 
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Posted by on December 5, 2013 in life

 

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12/03: Being Alone

I stumbled upon an anonymous quote online few days ago which states “The best way to be happy with someone is to learn to be happy alone that way the company will be a matter of choice and not necessity.

This was so true that I reblogged the quote on my Instagram and Tumblr account.

Most people nowadays seem to be swooned with the idea that you need to have someone to take care of you and that being alone can sometimes be pathetic. I used to feel that way, I must admit.

It’s pathetic to eat alone because others may think that your date stood you up.
It’s pathetic to watch movies alone because who watch movies in cinemas alone? It’s scary and creepy sitting alone in the dark wherein any moment there’s someone who’ll just inject you something and you woke up the next day with HIV — one of the worst thing that can happen in a movie theatre. It’s pathetic to travel alone because people might think you’re heart broken and simply needs to wander alone to find yourself.

People can sometimes conform to what society thinks. Unfortunately, I’m not part of the majority.

For the past few years, I learned to love myself. I was a hopeless romantic behind my tough demeanor. I used to ask why I love someone who doesn’t love me back and why can’t I love those who love me. It’s been one hell of a depressing cycle. Oh well, it’s over now.

Today, I’ve never been happier and comfortable with myself. I realized that I am my own competition. I accepted my flaws and worked on my insecurities.

December 3 and I’m celebrating my life alone but definitely not lonely. I treated myself in a nearby hotel just because I want to. As what Paulo Coehlo said, “Do whatever you decide to do, but make sure that it makes you happy. ”

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Embrace your awesomeness my dear and learn to be a little bit nice to yourself. 

Much love,

Chillerspot ©

 
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Posted by on December 3, 2013 in journal, life, Life Blog, list, people, writing

 

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12/02: Yearning the Past

I guess I spent most of my time today either sleeping or reminiscing. Today will be another ordinary yesterday when tomorrow comes but I won’t let this moment pass.

I won’t let this day drift away. If only I record what’s on my mind right now, I will. It’s nice to go back during the times when you don’t worry anything. Those times when we’re still on diapers and does not even understand what responsibility and adulthood means. You don’t worry so much of getting old as well as your financial needs because someone is taking care of you. You have your parents caring for your needs and wants and all you need to do is cry when you’re hungry and smile — the one that melts people’s heart.

I’m currently 24 and I’m simply reminiscing how it is to be a child again. If only I can gather all those baby memories again, I’ll surely do.

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My life so far has been interesting. I like how the way things in the past made sense today. Life is beautiful if we train our minds to see the positives in every difficult situation.

29 more days before the year ends , let’s all be awesome!

Love,

Chillerspot ❤

 
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Posted by on December 2, 2013 in christmas, journal, life, Life Blog, list, people, writing

 

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