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Friday Morning Solitude.

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He was the thought behind unfinished sentences and discarded blog posts. I write several sentences until my eyes swell and a lump in my throat bothers me. I hit the discard post over save and look at the screen of my phone like a kid deprived of her favorite chocolates. I pray this feeling ends soon because it kills me. It’s like waiting for a moment that you know will never happen but you keep on waiting. You keep on believing that you are awesome and that he should see that like how others see you. You believe that you’re smart, you’re nice and you’re the best he could have. You know you’re worth the words so you choose to wait until he realize that you are the answered prayer. You are his the one.

It was always a battle between justifying my feelings when I know it’ll never be justified at all. I tried to let go countless times but I’m still here stuck with a realization that I’ll never be at peace. I keep on cutting the weeds that suffocate me trying to free myself from his entirety but I can’t. I just can’t.

I look at my phone several times waiting for his text just like how it was before. I keep on wishing nothing actually changed but it changes as months pass by. There’s awkwardness and sadness because the person you thought will never leave you sees you as an option and no longer the priority. Suddenly I keep on asking myself if I’m indeed an asshole. I started to question my worth. I started to doubt myself, started to feel that I’m not enough, started to feel so small in his world. I decided to step back and the loneliness is haunting. I trusted him, told him everything about my life and now I felt that I shared too much of me to someone who does not want to be with me anymore. He’s already keeping a part of himself from me and that makes me actually feel like I can no longer be the person anyone can trust.

I wish to be saved by someone else’s smile and courage to blurt out those words that will awake me from my nightmares and daydreams. I know how hard I prayed to God that I’ll find someone who matches my kind of crazy. He should be honest enough to tell me that I complement his personality. Someone who’ll make me realize that I’m waiting for someone who does not value me because I’m not rich, I’m not beautiful and I’m not smart enough. I’m in limbo of emotions and it’s killing me.

Here’s to my own tragedy… untold, half-written and full of unnecessary pain.

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Posted by on February 26, 2016 in Uncategorized

 

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Midshift and The Rain is Falling.

There are those moments in our lives that stimulates our artistic side, the side that we choose to hide from people that may judge you and the side that we usually hate because it makes you feel vulnerable. Admit it, you have that side.

Tonight, I feel that urge to write my thoughts. I rarely feel it when I’m being swamped with work. Valentines is over and done — thank God. I’m always that girl, the girl who is just so awkward during first meet up.

(First sip of coffee )…

I can taste the caffeine in my lips. Bitter just like my old self. Years have gone by and I’ve outgrown my bitterness on love. Despite the strong aura I emit, the inner desire to find someone who can tame my craziness is something I regularly fight. I keep on telling myself that reality bites and there is no such thing as prince in shining armor that will come to kiss me and save me from the evil world. I only got myself — no more, no less.

( Second sip.. )

Life’s too short to feel bad if things won’t go my way.  It never goes my way most of the time so I better get used to it. Recently, I felt so bad because I keep on doing the right thing only to end up not being recognize. I tried to understand everything and I did. It’s not that I want to be recognized for my hard work but I guess I deserve an acceptable reason why it turned out not the way I have expected it to be. It’s just the way it is, life’s not fair for the nth time Carol so better deal with it.

( Third sip…)

Travel.

I’m daydreaming too much lately planning out my next trips each month to new places.  I did not make any new year’s resolutions this year so better decide to do something spontaneous and start my own travel blog. This blog is a mixture of my different sides. It’s kinda messed up but it depicts me. I’ll start to post more of my adventures and I might start on my most recent trip in the City of Love — Iloilo.  I am a believer that the Philippines is such a beautiful country and my mission in life is to unravel and share its beauty.

( Fourth moment with my cup requires me to take a gulp of its bitterness )

Dreams.

When will I learn to break free from my monotonous life?  It has been like this since I graduated college. I am inlove with a lot of things but I’m still lost on what I really wanted to do that it scares the shit out of me. I’m afraid that I may lose the time I need to fulfill my plans or maybe I’m missing a lot about life.

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  All I wanted is to be happy and fulfilled on my deathbed someday. Oh, God my merciful savior I don’t want to die sad. I still want to have a family I can call my own and this dream is actually related to the next thought that I’ll be sharing.  It requires me a surmountable amount of caffeine…  here we go.

(Fifth – sixth sip is the calm before the storm…  the caffeine is slowly kicking my brain. )

Marriage.

Err… I feel awkward but my dream job is actually to be a wedding planner. My close friend is about to get married and he sought my advice. I got nothing serious to say though I mean I cannot even find true love so why share some of my thoughts about marriage without me feeling a little miserable about the thought that I might be alone forever. I’m happy for my friend because at 31 he finally decided to settle down.

(Music is on full blast and my mind is being shaken by caffeine… on to my seventh sip from the cup)

Friends.

My best friend will be leaving the country on the 22nd. I am happy for him because it has been his dream to work in London. He sacrificed a lot and did everything that his family wanted him to do. He lives on his family’s rules and not able to decide on his own. Growing up was so tough that he is full of insecurities despite the strong demeanor that he exudes. It’s a bittersweet feeling tho on my end for I’ll lose my coffee buddy. We talked a lot about our lives, love and career all the time. I guess my weekends and afternoons will never be the same again. I know I’ll be able to manage my life on my own especially when I need a friend whom I can share anything without the fear of being judge and being blunt without the fear of being misunderstood.  Oh well.

( After gazillion sips on my cup… )

Love.

Hey you future partner. I’m waiting for you still.  Whoever you are, wherever you may be I’m still here.  I’m no longer broken but the fixed parts felt so empty.  I can still feel the scars but the memories are no longer painful. I endured a lot for the past years but instead of falling into the pitfall of despair I rose above it all feeling confident that with God, everything will be alright.  I know he hears what my heart desires but everything will unfold at the right time. I’m starting to  be too impatient but I continue to remind myself that good things come to those who wait. I cannot help but ask myself if I’m good enough.  Is it me?  Am I too difficult to love?  Am I not worthy to be love?  Arrrghhhhh…  I’ve woke up into my own realities and it felt so awful knowing you’re not worth the words. I’m not worth the words after years of great friendship. I guess it’s just the way it is…  sucks. 

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Anyways, future partner may you finally find your way to me and that I wish I’m not an ass not to notice you. I guess we’ll both know if the time indeed finally come. I cannot wait for that moment when the independent woman finds his man and finally say these words… “From this moment MY life ends and OURS begin… I love you.

Now…  lunch break is over. Hello reality.

 
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Posted by on February 17, 2016 in journal, life, Uncategorized

 

On Loneliness.

I’m starting to hate being 26 haunted by questions I actually don’t know the answer.

It’s been a while since the last time I write because I choose not to for a thousand reasons you rather not hear but today seems to be different. I heard that voice within me urging my soul to spill my thoughts and uncover my emotions. I guess it’s about time to write what I feel and what I’ve been up to — AGAIN.

Living in a world full of hopes and despair, I must say I’m getting numb each day. I’m irritated if family members start to ask me when I’ll be getting married or when do I plan to have a family of my own given that my mom is getting older and weaker. I get so stressed if they keep on insisting about family life when I don’t even have a boyfriend. God probably gets tired of listening to my daily prayers about finding the one and I’m almost about to give up.

Friends would tell me that the principles I believed in are too old school for women nowadays. Some would tease me if I was born during dinosaurs time. Geez. I know I’m not a prude neither a slut. I think I’m normal but other people find me difficult to understand when it comes to love. I lost a potential lover because he was intimidated by my intelligence and achievements.  To quote him: “She seems to be on a pedestal, her standards are too high.” that was just too awful. I can be tactless sometimes but for people to think I got high standards seem to be too much, I’m not too shallow not to love someone just because I think he’s not good enough for me. That boy was actually any girl’s ideal guy because he is good looking, kind and too nice. He was the perfect guy that got away because I’m such an ass and he just got intimidated.

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http://inspiring-pictures.com/post/137965184140/visit-inspiring-pictures-for-more-life-quotes

Anyways, I’m still single and about to get sick of people asking lame questions why I’m single, why not? 😒 I’m judged for being a reputation freak because all I care about is my reputation when in fact I don’t. I do whatever I want to do thanks for the confidence in myself that I earned each day. Acceptance indeed is the key to a better life.

I had embrace my solitude for I know life is just too short to waste on negative thoughts. I must admit I feel lonely because people expect you to settle down while I’m busy finding myself. I am still looking for a significant income rather than my significant other. I got diverse plans on my mind and settling down seems to be not a priority but having a boyfriend, perhaps.

There are days when I feel so empty. I know it’s been quite a while of being tough and carefree.  Contrary to what people see me, I’m a sucker of love from songs to poetry. I may find it uncool sometimes but having someone you can hug on a tough day is not bad. I long for that boy who will not just fill the void in my heart but someone who would actually complement me. He’ll make me feel the butterflies inside my stomach and inspire me to embrace my flaws each day. I don’t need someone to complete me for I’ve completed myself already.  He’ll smile upon hearing my scars for I’ve battled life victoriously. We’ll fight life’s battles, capture the world’s beauty and enjoy each other’s  company because together we’ll be great. I pray for that day, for me to find that boy who’ll cast all my fears away.

God knows how much I prayed. He knows how much I plead him for that someone. He knows when’s the right time for him to grant my wishes. I got plans but God’s plan is way better than mine. Who am I to doubt?

Again, I’m spending Monday in my room while my thoughts and emotions are overflowing. It’s that time of the year when I’m suffering from mental diarrhea — worst case.

Friends, don’t be sad of the choices you’ve made. People has all the words to say, they will judge you. You’ve got stained reputation and your character will be challenged but never fret especially if you know yourself. I came to an age wherein my past molded me into who I am today and I’ve proud of who I become. I’m proud that I’ve known myself too well and I feel complete today more than the other days of my life. No one can hurt me for I know my alphas and deltas. No one can try to destroy me for I made myself indestructible by criticisms. I know better today.

Loneliness haunt me sometimes especially on February but the feeling just passes by.  I get sad for I don’t have someone I can call on my own,  someone who’ll understand my madness and someone who’ll care for me as much as he loves himself. It’s a nasty feeling, toxic I must say but I know it will pass.  God has plans for me I should not rush.

I’ve let go of my feelings for someone close to me because I’m not the type who tells people how much I value them.  Years have gone so fast and he’s still the same.  I cannot continue to love someone who is lost. I need a complete man to complement the woman I become and I’m more than willing to wait.

I want someone who’ll tell me how much I impacted his life by my presence. I want someone who’ll tell me he’s happy that he met me. I am a woman who still believes that a man should make the first move (quite old school?  Yeah! ).

2015 was one hell of a year, a series of fortunate and unfortunate events. 2016, surprise me!  I’m so ready for you.

And here’s the soundtrack of my 2015…

https://open.spotify.com/track/6Vc5wAMmXdKIAM7WUoEb7N

It’s all over now for this year I have awaken. We’ll be just friends perhaps.

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I felt the loneliness crashing on me when I decided to let go but it’s the best gift I gave myself. What we have was uncertain, no one is brave enough to ask how much we cared for each other. I guess we’ll just be friends. I just got confused. I was too blinded because of you and I let my chances of finding the right one slip away if I continue to believe that what we have we’ll turn into something great. Anyways, you’ll always be the best I never had. 🙂

All is well, cheers for my 2016.

 
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Posted by on January 25, 2016 in Uncategorized

 

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My Give A Bag Of Hope Experience

I know that it’s been just minutes ago since my last blog entry but I guess I am so compelled to write my thoughts about my Give A Bag of Hope experience last July 6 after watching the video that my friend in Employee Engagement tagged me in Facebook.

Forgive me for being so overly dramatic as of the moment because I am so ugly crying here after watching the video. I hate my 3-am self because I tend to be so emotional. Yuck! 😦

Here’s the link by the way:

Maybe you guys are wondering what is the Give A Bag of Hope is all about. It is actually one way of Convergys to give back to our community by providing school supplies to elementary school students because the company values literacy which is necessary for us to have a brighter future as a nation.

Here’s the link of the #GiveABagofHope project that was launched to all Convergys sites last May 2015 ( another tear jerker) :

This project was really close to my heart that’s why I really joined the campaign and the school activation. I am a firm believer that an educated Filipino is surely a key to a better Philippines.It’s also my way to personally give back because I was able to finish my graduate studies through the aid of Convergys Educational Assistance Program.

Based on the data that was provided in the video, the company was able to give out 17,123 bags and that’s 17,123 students that we were able to change and empower to work on their dreams. While we are on the mission to change other people lives, we were also transformed throughout the experience. For every successful referral, for every salary deduction we pledged and for the school supplies we donated — it was meant for a greater cause. I hope other employees were moved as much as I was moved by this project. It is not just our corporate social responsibility, it is not just empowering our own selves but also helping those kids achieve their dreams. Cliche as it may sound but truly the youth is the hope of our nation.

Sharing some pictures I took during the school activation last July 6 at Bata Elementary School, Bacolod City:

The bag actually includes a note card where employees wrote their messages to the students.

Those genuine smiles and innocent thoughts surely made my heart melt. I love kids because they remind me how life was once simple and less complicated.

I got to say, my charm really works since I was able to build my own “love” team here by convincing everyone to pose with a heart sign. This picture really made me smile because one student actually told me that she does this to show her love. Heartwarming. 🙂

I ❤ my job here. 🙂

The students and teachers of Bata Elementary School.

Mark McMahon, our Give A Bag Of Hope Ambassador thanking our employees for their support and donations. He is actually a model turned into celebrity just recently. I must say he really has a good heart. I can feel his sincerity in helping out unlike others who just simply do it because they are paid to do it. You can really see that what he’s doing is simply out of passion and love for the kids. I wish him well though, that he may be successful in his showbiz career because he really  got what it takes. As I follow his Instagram account, I realized that he reminds me of myself sometimes because I too loves the beach, kids, dogs, cats, also a November kid and simply enjoys the chill life — he is soooo me.  I think we’ll be great friends. **winks**

HAHAHAHAHAHA a lot of employees went gaga over him while I went gaga after stalking him in IG a day after he left Bacolod. 😍

Mark with our operations managers and cluster heads.

Mark with the support team and the team leaders.

Mark with my awesome team! ( yeah, I know I am so biased!)

It sucks to admit but it’s just so damn hard to leave this bunch of crazies. I really enjoyed being part of our Employee Engagement team. 🙂

I guess I made my decision. I will no longer take the Organizational Development manager opening in one of the biggest sugar industry corporation in the country but instead endure my life as a Team Leader in the company that changed me into a more mature and empowered individual. I might need more years of experience in a supervisory and managerial position before I take the leap to a major career change. I know I have been a whiner and secretly ranting in my head how my life sucks and how my work sucks but actually it’s not the worst. I am actually blessed to have a decent job that pays my bills, a job that gives back to the less fortunate and a job that helps me transform other people’s lives. I think I am not ready to retire yet after my 5 years stint. I still have the patience to endure the pressure of hitting our client valued metrics in order to satisfy the expectations of our clients. When everything seems to be awful and tiring, I will just remind myself how awesome it is to be part of Employee Engagement which actually has the huge factor in my decision. I love my life as an EE champion and I am proud to be part of Convergys Bacolod Employee Engagement Team! 🙂

And lastly… I am also proud to be a Convergys Leader!

My Give A Bag Of Hope Experience really had a huge impact in my decision to stay. Let’s give it a shot until the year ends then we’ll try seeking for opportunities once again. I know, I know… I am such a hard-headed individual or should I say a coward because I won’t take that chance for a major life change. Nah, I am still young, so better yet enjoy the learning process! Peter Pan Complex ON! 🙂

 
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Posted by on September 7, 2015 in Uncategorized

 

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Be Careful What You Wish For.

I was so dead tired last Saturday that I slept from 1pm – 2am. I woke up seeing missed calls from my former graduate school professor so I decided to text her and apologized for not being able to answer it. She told me that one of the biggest corporation in the sugar industry is currently hiring an Organizational Development Manager — a position that I really would love to have since it is more focus on improvement of current company processes by conducting research studies. I know I really want a career revamp since I feel that I am not really making progress anymore. The BPO industry is really dynamic and I owe a lot of my wisdom from my years of experience. I never knew I will last more than 5 years in this industry with my sanity intact. Change is inevitable and just like technology it is so drastic. If you are not resilient enough, you will surely decide to move out and find a company that would not test your patience. I love and at the same time hate my job for no apparent reasons, probably because most of the time I get too bored of doing same stuff but my salary surely pays the bill so it’s one motivation why I chose to stay.

Now, I got an opportunity to kiss my job goodbye and try a new adventure. I have been a YOLO kid with a Peter Pan complex. I mean as much as I want change in my career I am also scared of taking my life seriously. At 25, I want to fix my life but there’s this fear that I may no longer have the freedom to do what I want just like the way it was before. The BPO industry is so diversified unlike any other industries that we have. People of all shapes, sizes and ages are working together without any discrimination unlike some other industries. I mean this has been my comfort zone and I know I have been dying to move out since day 180 of my stay in this industry. I finished my bachelor’s degree in Computer Science yet I was not able to practice it at all. I decided to take up Masters in Business Administration and partly applying some of my learning in dealing with my colleagues and subordinates but it is still not enough. My heart seems to long for something I cannot still decipher what except my endless desire to write, to travel and to learn from other people’s way of dealing with life. My interest right now is more geared towards the complexities of human emotions and how each of us battle our daily lives. It is really more in psychology and humanities. I am a complete f*cked up, I know. I am strayed away from the path I traveled but I guess I am really learning more about myself.

I still cannot decide whether I will apply or not. I mean it is far from home prolly a 2 – hour travel plus it might require some seriousness and discipline which is scary but I know I can deal with that. It’s just that the mere thought of nailing it bites inside my heart because it means that I will be leaving my home. I know I have been whining for the past years of how bored or how monotonous my life can be sometimes but it’s not really the work, it’s the people I have been working for quite some time already that makes leaving quite difficult to imagine. I will surely miss working at night and having lunch at 2am in the morning. It made me live in New York timezone. I usually sleep in the morning and wake up in the afternoon. This kind of life that I used to live seems to be hard to forget. I mean, I was once an innocent noob who does not know how crazy the real world can be but now, I have become an independent woman who thrives hard in order to survive and regain my sanity. The real world is so daunting unlike the way we imagined it to be back when we are still learning everything in high school or in college.

I know I wanted this, I wished for this but I never knew that it will happen all of a sudden. I might think about it more and probably hear the catch first before deciding to take a leap of faith. I just want to be sure and be practical with my decision as I don’t want to leave my chill life as much as possible.

Here’s to another sleepless night, I hope my decision will be right!

 
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Posted by on September 7, 2015 in Uncategorized

 

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Life Path Number = 7

Got this from: Lotus Tarot Card Read

Numerology Life Path Number 7

Sharon Carol Lamb, your birth date Nov 23, 1989 resolves to 7

What is a Life Path Number?

If ever there was a moment of total transformation, it was the moment of your birth. In that instant, you stepped through a door in time into a new reality — the reality of human life. The most important number in your numerology chart is based on the date of your birth, the moment when the curtain goes up in your life.

Even at that moment, you were a person with your own unique character, as unique as your DNA. Everything that is you existed in potential, much like a play that is about to begin. Your entire life exists as a potential that has been prepared for. You have ultimate freedom to do with your life as you like: To fulfill its potential completely, or to make some smaller version of yourself. It all depends upon your effort and commitment.

You make the decisions to fulfill, to whatever extent, the potential life that exists within you. That is your choice. In this sense, the possible you is implicit during the moment of your birth.

The Life Path number gives us a broad outline of the opportunities, challenges, and lessons we will encounter in this lifetime. Your Life path is the road you are traveling. It reveals the opportunities and challenges you will face in life. Your Life Path number is the single most important information available in your Personality Chart!

What does a Life Path Number of 7 mean?

Sharon Carol Lamb, you are the searcher and the seeker of the truth. You have a clear and compelling sense of yourself as a spiritual being. As a result, your life path is devoted to investigations into the unknown, and finding the answers to the mysteries of life.

You are well-equipped to handle your task. You possess a fine mind; you are an analytical thinker, capable of great concentration and theoretical insight. You enjoy research, and putting the pieces of an intellectual puzzle together. Once you have enough pieces in place, you are capable of highly creative insight and practical solutions to problems.

You enjoy your solitude and prefer to work alone. You need time to contemplate your ideas without the intrusion of other people’s thoughts. You are a lone wolf Sharon Carol Lamb, a person who lives by his own ideas and methods. As a result, close associations are difficult for you to form and keep, especially marriage. You need your space and privacy, which, when violated, can cause you great frustration and irritation.

When your life is balanced, however, you are both charming and attractive. You can be the life of a party, and enjoy performing before an audience. You enjoy displaying your wit and knowledge, which makes you attractive to others, especially the opposite sex.

But you have distinct limits. While you are generous in social situations, sharing your attention and energy freely, you are keenly aware of the need to ‘come off stage’ and return to the solitude of your lair. You associate peace with the unobtrusive privacy of your world. Therefore, intimacy is difficult for you, because you guard your inner world like a mother lion does her cubs.

All this privacy and aloneness can cause isolation and loneliness, however. You can be aware of emptiness in your life, a part of you that yearns for company and close companionship that may be unsatisfied.

If isolation is brought to the extreme, you can become cynical and suspicious. You can develop hidden, selfish motives Sharon Carol Lamb, which people may sense and may cause them discomfort around you. You must guard against becoming too withdrawn and independent, thus shutting out the love of others and keeping you from experiencing the true joy of friendship and close companionship.

You must especially watch out for selfishness and egocentricity, thinking of yourself as the center of the universe, the only person who really matters. Social contact gives you perspective on yourself and on life, while too much isolation can make you too narrow and even shut off from the rest of the world.

Secretly, you may feel jealous of the easy relationships formed by others; you may perceive others as less inhibited than you, or more free to express themselves. You may harshly criticize yourself for not being more gregarious, powerful, or capable of greater leadership.

Sharon Carol Lamb, your challenge in life is to maintain your independence without feeling isolated or ineffectual. You must hold fast to your unique view on the world, while at the same time being open to others and the knowledge they have to offer.

With your abilities to learn, analyze, seek out answers to life’s important questions, you have the potential for enormous growth and success in life. By the time you reach middle age, you will radiate refinement and wisdom.

Pythagoras, one of the greatest Numerologists in history, loved the seven for its great spiritual potential.

 
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Posted by on September 1, 2015 in Uncategorized

 

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Sunday Confessions.

It’s been a week without communicating.

I am mad at him for not telling me what is wrong, for being indifferent towards me and for being unfair. I am in rage, I can feel the anger seeping into my system. I wanted to yell, to scream and hate him for what he is doing hurts me a lot. You don’t know how much pain you’re causing me right now. I still cannot forgive myself after that text. I cannot comprehend still what made me say those words but I know how wasted I am that night. It already happened, I cannot take those words anymore.

I still don’t get it why you are so indifferent towards me. I am your crazy bestfriend in the office. We talk about random and silly things. We talk about work shits and we laugh all the time. We should not be affected by the words we say or text when we are drunk. You told me you love me, I never bothered because you are drunk. I texted you goodnight and keep safe and you got bothered. Is it the love part? Is it the worry? Is it the care I had for you? You are my bestfriend, you are important to me. A part of me will die if something happens to you. I cannot imagine my life without you. I trusted you so much of my own issues, you know how much I do not like to talk about personal shits but I did because you are trustworthy.

I miss you. I miss my bestfriend. I miss us. I don’t care about love because I am a complete fucked up. I just want the old us, I want my friend back. Earlier today I prayed hard. I prayed to God to cast away my anger towards you. Bad things happen to the people I hate and I cannot do that to you. I cannot curse people I value so I prayed and repented. I am sorry.

I decided to be true to myself. I realize how you impacted my life in reasons I can no longer explain. Days without you seem to be so dull. Life at work becomes stressful. I love you, it’s true. I love you but I want our friendship to last forever. I want this friendship to work, to be just like the old times. That is what I need in my life right now. I do not know how to handle being in a relationship. I mean, what I had a decade ago was an almost relationship that was so amazing until it lasted. I never decided to give in after that. It took me almost a decade to forgive myself. I never let my guards down as what I’ve always say. I have no idea what happened that night. It’s like someone took over myself. Well, those were feelings I shrugged off. Feelings I am afraid to face and deal, feelings that I hid because I am too ashamed to admit and feelings that I took for granted because I know will just complicate everything.

God, I rest my case. I don’t know how to move on when there is too much to remember. You cannot just forget a friend, a friend that is so damn real. It stings still when I remember the good times. It hurts me so bad not knowing the reason why. You just shut me off and here I am wondering why.

It was just a text, it was nothing unless of course if you felt something too. I know I was never sweet towards you but I do care for you. With what have happened to you almost a month ago, I started to worry about your well-being. I want to be there for you, to help you out and support you. I think that is normal to care it’s just that even I was shocked of my own sweetness towards you. I know you are not used to it but it happened already. I am sorry if you felt so awkward but you should have told me rather than avoiding me. You are so frustrating. I reached out and asked you already but it seems that you do not want to talk about it further.

You are my bestfriend. I will give you the space that you want. I am just a text away if you need me. I will always  be here for you. I need to stop seeking for answers. I need to be patient enough and let things happen. I cannot control circumstances but I can control myself. I don’t want to sulk into misery of understanding and hating you. I cannot waste more time. I cannot be depress for too long.

I just miss you so much. Can we be bestfriends again? Let’s forget those feelings. 😢

 
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Posted by on August 2, 2015 in Uncategorized

 

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