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Author Archives: chillerspot

About chillerspot

I'm Sharon Carol Sta. Maria Lamb. Spontaneous. Crazy. Blogger. Nature Lover. Computer Baby. Graphic Designer wannabe. Frustrated Programmer. Twitter Spammer. Tumblrista. Creative Bum. Dreamer. Funny. Netizen. Owl. Panda Baby. Polar Bear. Facebook Stalker. Music Lover. Adventure Seeker. Eiffel Tower lover. Coffee Slave. Certified Day Dreamer. Furry creatures aficionado. Happy-go-Lucky. Hopeless Romantic. Current job: Customer Account Executive -- in short, dakilang call center agent ng bayang Pilipinas. This is where my thoughts linger and my emotions chill. Sometimes words and thoughts really need some place to stay in order to preserve the great memories of the present. I guess my emotions just need to be documented in order for me to fully appreciate my life... in its deeper sense. Who am I is such a cliche in my world. I consider myself as a complete stranger to my friends, a hopeless romantic who never tells what her heart longs for and a frustrated self proclaimed artist who is stuck in her nutshell waiting for her moment to arrive. My dream job is to be a wedding planner... seeing fairytales come to life equates to bliss. How I wish I can make lovers dreams come true. I finally let go of my fantasies of being a lawyer... I guess I don't want to make my life complicated. You see I'm just a regular kid who loves adventure and freedom. But I'm not a regular girl... I'm a bit too conservative to some but hell I'm crazy. Some people think I'm stupid, some think I'm smart and that's because I can outwit people most of the time but nah - I'm just a bit aware of everything around me. I don't call it intelligence, I define it as common sense. I live between two extremes. Traveling is all I want to do... Exploring new things, learning from every mistakes that I commit and a spirit that is always game for all the challenges that may come my way defines my existence. I thank God for the gift of flexibility. I know life is a bit harsh but hey at least it is easy for me to move on as long as you lift every single burden to God and live life as if it's your last. God is my best friend. Now I'm off to find my personal legend because I believe that the universe will conspire in attaining my goals in life. And I know that while I'm enjoying my stay here on Earth Cupid will play its role too... and that someday I'll find the one that I'll truly love and I will live happily ever after just the way I wanted my life to be... not a fairy tale but at least something worth remembering. I know he's worth the wait.

A Thanksgiving For The Year That Was.

A Thanksgiving For The Year That Was.

Disclaimer: This post has too much selfies. Viewer discretion is advised.

To start off, I failed my 30-day blogging challenge. You see I’ve been lazy and demotivated to write especially when my mind is not in sync to my soul. I just don’t want to write for the sake of writing, I always write what I feel.

Today, my heart is full.

I’m in my room right now trying to control my surging emotions. Aside from being grateful for another year, all of the challenges I’ve been through start flashing righ before my eyes. Battles that got worsen by my mind and days when I’ve almost lose everything were gone. I’m thankful for today and for who I’ve become over the years. The darkest of my days paved way to that strength I’ve never imagined I possess. To all the whines, complaints and suicidal thoughts that bothered me and how depression crippled me to see the beauty of this world, thank you because I’m glad I’m still here.

I thought my life was a curse. It was a series of fortunate and misfortunate events. A never ending saga of great feeling and then bombarded by bad luck causing me to hate everything I have. I guess time really teaches us to be wise because right now I’m thankful for all of it.

Being 28 was a whole lot of firsts. This is the age of wisdom, the age where I learned to appreciate my pains and made me better. It’s the age when I made bold decisions and embraced responsibilities I never thought I’ll be able to withstand.

Let me recall some of my firsts this year:

  • Learned how to drive
  • Got my passport
  • Got my driver’s license
  • Bank loan
  • Had mouth expanders that made me talk weird
  • Had braces
  • Got my premolars extracted
  • Ventured in online business
  • Learned to let go of past hangups and loved again
  • Ride a trike to explore places
  • First facial ever
  • Got glasses

The list goes on and let me add some near death experiences that I didn’t care much because I’m alive anyways. 😂

I actually cried earlier because of my bestfriend’s message to me and I can’t thank him enough for all those years. I made the best decision this year to keep those people who brings out the best in me and not the beast in me. A lot of people come out way but not are all meant to stay. I thank all those who joined me once in my journey because somehow you are able to be part of my growth. I didn’t regret my decision to close some chapters because it was necessary for my own growth. I am proud of my friends list today.

I remembered how I became too emotional talking to a customer last week because he was an angel. You see not all days at work are good. There are days when I reassess myself and then realize how my skills are put into waste. I got tired of self-pitying and just reminded myself how it pays the bills. He was an angel because he reminded me of what I can become someday. If I believe in myself then I can go a long way. I can be an executive or some sort and that made me smile.

He also told me that I’m smart. A lot of people tell me that but I don’t usually believe it. I never believed that I’m smart. I used to have awards in school and even part of the president’s list in graduate school but to be honest it didn’t change the way I view myself… until last week. I thought people just tell me that I’m smart to boost and motivate me. Now, I’m starting to believe in it.

He told me that I was raised well by my parents. He can sense it on the way I’ve talked to him and how I’ve answered his questions. I almost cried while I’m talking to him because it reminded me of my cause back then, to make my parents proud of me. Oftentimes, I think that I failed my mom and dad because I haven’t make used of my skillset well. On better days, I knew I’m a good daughter.

I love my mom, my dad and my uncle. They did their best to provide me a better life even if I demanded more during those days when we are financially troubled. I love how they cared about me and supported my decisions. I’ve lost two of my pillars and my mom is also getting older… my fear is to lose her while I’m still finding myself. It’s a pain growing up without a father, more pain when my uncle died right before my eyes and I can’t imagine the pain I’ll face when I lost her. That is my only birthday wish this year… More years with my mom.

I’ll keep on being myself no matter what. I know that I’m grumpy at times, a total asshole to some and that friend with such comical character.

I am who I am and my attitude towards people is based on their attitude towards me and others. I value people that brings good vibes and hate those that generates animosity.

I’ll strive to be better. The strength I’ve acquired over the years will make me surpass the trials that will come. I am better today because I choose to be better, I choose the f*cks worth f*cking and simply trusting the process.

To all the people who took their time to greet me and showed their love, I am thankful. Thanks for reminding me that my existence is well appreciated and for boosting my bruised ego. I promised myself to continue living life with an optimistic mindset. I will continue to share my compassion and kindness, a promise to make life a better place to live.

To the man I love and will always love, thanks for bringing light into my world and for always reminding me that I’m worth loving. I love you John Paul.

Cheers to more years…

And more Pabebe days with you…

I still have problems to face and more challenges to encounter. I’ve thread so much for 28 years and now, a new chapter unfolds. I don’t know what’s in store on my 29th year but I face it with a taunting smile as I whisper “bring it on”.

Happy 29th to me, such an oldie! 😂

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Posted by on November 23, 2018 in adventures

 

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Day 10: Corporate Jargons and Millenials

If only I can travel and sleep for a living, I will. I’m stuck in a corporate job doing my best to meet deadlines and targets in order for me to pass my scorecard. It’s mentally draining and most millenials may find it boring, exhausting, frustrating and excruciating when IG posts features lives of dogs and cats that are earning thousands of dollars just for being adorable while on the other hand, I’m here auditing calls and coaching folks to do what they can to hit their metrics.

It’s not that I am ungrateful or hate the job that I do, it’s just that sometimes if you just let it it’ll totally take much of your 24 hour time. I work as a team lead for a famous BPO company in the Philippines and I’m thankful because of it I got my Master’s degree, got a new car, got to travel, paid my bills and invested in insurance plans for my future. Aside from the pros, the cons also outweigh my emotions towards having a nice job.

The BPO industry helped our economy for the past years and I can’t imagine our country without it. As long as you’re English proficient, you will surely land a job. The stress and success goes a long way for those who persevered. It’s not easy to adjust on flexible start times and rest days. It’s crazy especially if you are living far from the office then good luck!

Most employees right now are millenials whose interest and tolerance levels varies. It’s not that they are not competitive, it’s more of pursuing things they are passionate about as much as possible rather than be stuck in a 9 hour work that kills you slowly in the inside. Some always ask, is it worth it to be practical rather than choosing happiness even if it will never pay your bills? Adulthood sucks, nobody knows how to survive this as there is no better way to learn unless you experience it.

Maybe you’re wondering why I came up with corporate jargons and millenials as a title of this blog. TBH IDK.

It’s just that right now, everything is evolving knowing that it’s 2018 already. I appreciate agents who would call me TL rather than tee or teh as it annoys me sometimes knowing that we are working in a call center and you can’t even pronounce it right. TL stands for team lead and OM stands for operations manager… It cringes me as well hearing people calling a manager as “ohm” instead of “oh-em”. There are a lot of corporate Jargons that I live each day and it’s not easy to discuss things to friends who are not on the same industry. Most of my used Jargons are the following:

  • Let’s park that question
  • Doing DDA – deep dive analysis
  • BRB
  • FYI
  • Let’s work on our FTD scores (fiscal to date)
  • PTO please (paid time off)
  • Ensure EOD scores please (end of day)
  • AHT please!
  • Lost hours

And the list goes on and on…

May we all find job to love, value and care about especially if you’re not able to find it yet.

 
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Posted by on November 23, 2018 in personal

 

Day 9: Defeat and What You Did Next

I found my self rehashing some events wherein I felt so defeated. Numerous fails and almosts in all aspects of my life and I don’t know why I’m still here. I call it set backs, a short detour prior to my best destination. There are times when I persevered so much and ended up failing… Maybe I just didn’t try hard enough.

The most unforgettable defeat moment I’ve experienced is losing the chance to graduate with honors in graduate school. I know I’m a little bit of a slacker compared to who I was in college but I know I did my part. I almost failed my managerial accounting class because of a cheating case that screwed a lot of folks — including me. It was terrible knowing that I am not that kind of person. It got resolved and we’re able to graduate. What saddens me though is when you try so hard to make things right and succeed, a setback is always in place. Not that I’m new to it, in fact I’ve been so used to this right now that I became numb when things don’t go my way.

I guess time plays a part here. At first you’ll feel myriad of emotions and from Okay to not Okay feels you’ll just find yourself happy again despite on what have happened. I see every defeat as a chance for me to do better or simply move forward because what else can I do. We can’t hold grudges forever as it ruins you instead of helping you. It’s not easy to accept defeat all the time but accept it eventually in time and just go through life and experience new adventures or another set of challenges bound to ruin your positivity in life.

Just. Keep. GOING.

It’s not the first time I’ve experienced failure. I’ve got a lot I tell you and even now it never stopped. I always encounter a lot of work frustrations that sometimes I’m about to give up. I even question my own leadership and intellect on why others can move their teams up while I’m plainly having a mediocre attainment. Maybe I’ve been mediocre whole life or maybe I’m just to proud of myself that I expect too much on everyone and too much for myself. It’s a journey still to accept defeat, to plan what’s next and to find your niche. Sometimes it is not working because it might not meant to work in the first place. We are all sucker for success but what if we are not destined to be successful at your corporate job but is bound to be in our passion. Who knows? We should not stop ourself from taking risks just because it didn’t go our way in the first place. We should keep going until we get used to the feeling of failing and still celebrate milestones achieved.

Don’t let your self doubt hinder your way to a better and productive future. All we need is to be self aware and make use of our strengths in our own advantage. It’s always a good battle regardless of the results if you did all you can to win. Life is not about winning, it’s about learning and experiencing — a realization I had after 28 years. I’ve been better in dealing with this now compared to years ago when I threw fits and hated God for not giving me what I want and what I think I deserved.

 
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Posted by on November 4, 2018 in personal

 

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Day 7: On Tempers and Rages

Yes, you’re seeing a deliciously angry looking pizza.

Day 7 is not on the list of topics that I need to write about because I’m trying to customize it into something personal to me rather than follow a series of theme everyday.

To start off, temper means something neutralizing and rage is fury gone loose. On why I wanted to talk about it is that one, it’s interesting and relevant. Second, the pizza looks like me — nice in general but when triggered can turn into an evil bitch from Wakanda. Everyday we encounter circumstances or people that get into our nerves ( please read my other blog post about things that annoy me here: What Annoys Me ) yet we still discern our feelings and think as rational as possible. I throw fits and almost kill annoying people in my mind. I mean if I confront them from being annoying that would make me look like a fool. It’s so biased and inhumane for me to do so. Human as we are, we are accompanied by myriad of emotions everyday yet we were given the gift of reason to act wisely. Some may involved in serious problems just because they let their emotions take over their rationality. Pity those fools for they let their inner bitches took over their life and now they are stained.

Anyways, rage is dangerous. I would admit that I sometimes find myself acting stupid just because I’m furious. I started raging when I learned how to drive and being in the road requires not just mental alertness but tantamount of patience before you start shooting assholes. I mean, being caught in a traffic and having someone cutting you off while you safely drive can sometimes be infuriating. I had one instance wherein a motorcycle driver shoved his middle finger up high just because I slowed down to let kids cross and caught up in a very difficult situation because a passenger jeep just stopped in front of me. I got no better choice and he hated me for slowing down because he was driving so fast. I got mad I stepped on the pedal trying to rush over the traffic and just want to blow horns at him or probably squeeze his bird brain. I must say my inner bitch took over my sanity for 10 seconds and realized that my life is too precious for me to waste on stupid people. I must say I’m learning to control the evil in me and just let it go. I need 10 seconds of silence and a quick prayer to regain back my senses.

Frustrations and work stress also add up to my mood swings and getting a massage weekly to relax is so expensive but I’m still willing to pay for it just because I value my mental health. Regardless of all these feelings we feel, our mind should always overpower those raging emotions. Our temper can sometimes make or break us.

In case you feel aggravated by a situation, take a step back and breathe. Never let your tongue say anything you’ll regret, never do anything that can hurt others and never let other people’s anger become your anger.

I always remind myself that no matter what… Be the bigger person. 😇

 
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Posted by on October 30, 2018 in personal

 

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Day 6: Explain Your Current Relationship

On day 6 of this blogging challenge, I’ll share about my current relationship.

I’m no longer single and the dramas I wrote before is just part of history where I learned a lot and cringe upon every time I read about my ramblings. Life is different now knowing I got someone I can totally depend on. It’s not perfect I must say as we have different opinions on a lot of things that can sometimes cause us arguments or disagreements. Our personalities are almost the same in quite areas but mine is probably stronger but despite on me being hard-headed, I always find myself listening to him.

I like to see him smile and his smile can calm me from the stress and pain that I feel. I value the time he spent on me and just being there. I do sometimes wish he’s a guy full of surprises or the romantic one because I must say he is an ultimate fail in romance and sweet stuff.

He is my kind of happy now. I remembered when we’re just starting to get to know each other and I’ve got numerous list of doubts and how my mind fed me with all the negativities this relationship has… I was terrified to be hurt all over again because I don’t know if I can still make it especially with the other problems I got. My mind has been a hellish place to be and being caught up in confusion is just “deathrifying”. It was a rough start, an offroad course only those who trust most can survive and now we’re off to better roads. We can’t deny the roadblocks and detours our relationship may have but we’re both game to what adventure awaits us. As long as we put out trust in each other even if we travel on separate roads, our love will still lead us together. I hope so. We both have dreams we long to achieve and all we need is a strong motivation to keep going… to keep on doing the best that we can to achieve our heart’s desire. All the effort today is bound to a greater future.

I’m glad I gave him the chance to prove his worth. I’m glad that he never gave up on me despite my stubborness. Everything is totally new to me at first, texting or dropping messages of my whereabouts and quitting my weekend “walwal” sessions to survive each week’s routine. It feels better now compared to the days where I have my own self doubts and fears of getting old alone with no one to love me.

I pray that this will be a forever kind of love story and if not I hope I’ll keep on believing in love as much as I’ve believed in this relationship. All we need is love to be better… always.❤

Here’s a link of my previous blog post rehashing why I love this guy: About Us.

 
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Posted by on October 29, 2018 in personal

 

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Day 5: Share Your Thoughts About Alcohol

I am not a prude. I’ve got my own fair share of alcohol memories and so far most of them are plainly hilarious. On Day 5 of this blogging challenge, I will share my favourite alcoholic beverage and the best memories behind those blurry nights.

Life without alcohol might have ended too early because during my early twenties I can’t find the best solution to my blues except spending late nights with friends and ended up with extreme hang-O the day after. It’s been a weekly routine, I got addicted to the fun that it brings that it gave hope to me each day for I’m looking forward to another crazy weekend. It made life bearable even if I got to face daily shits I don’t have any idea on how to handle.

Some people would say alcohol is not the answer to one’s problem and neither milk nor cola can make you feel better. I can still recall the memories and it can still make me laugh. Remembering those moments make me happy and I would love to experience it all over again.

In my late twenties, I must say that I’m now drinking occasionally. I rather choose sleep than be out with friends and grooving the night away. I’m done with those blurry nights with drunk friends. Apart from the happy memories, I’ve got my own fair share of terrors and miseries. I got heartbroken and all the false hopes killed me once. I don’t know how I was able to move on but I am happy that I did.

Drink responsibly, they say.

 
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Posted by on October 26, 2018 in personal

 

Day 4: How To Be An Asshole

Hi.

This post is not suitable for young audiences who were not exposed to life… Yet.

I am an asshole I know but my arrogance depends on the person I talked to. If suddenly I changed towards you, you definitely did something that pissed me off. I’m not the confrontational type of person. I know how people sometimes tend to justify their actions for us to forgive or understand them but it’s not that same scenario all the time. I only take time to those who’ve proven their worth and if it comes to a point that there will be arguments, I take time to listen rather than walk away because I know they are special to me at least once in my life.

Going back on how to become an asshole topic… I believe that it is an art. You see, I’ve never been so creative in my ways to become one. I don’t make other people’s lives feel like hell but I give those a taste of their own medicine — those who tends to feel superior above the rest. Let me share some tips on how to be that arrogant bitch people hate ( those bitches who are full of themselves) … just because we need to set borders sometimes and not being abused by those who thinks they can manipulate others at their own expense. Nobody can trash me because I don’t give people that chance to make me feel less of a person.

Let me share how I make other people feel that I am not interested in what they are saying because I won’t give them the attention that they want… because they are the real assholes btw.

  • I rarely talk to people I dont like. I don’t bother to say hi… AT ALL. Unless of course if they say hi so I’ll say hi politely, I’m not really the evil person you think I am.
  • Stop hanging out with people who makes you feel less of yourself and those who drains your positive energy. Be with people who makes you feel comfortable and happy.
  • Roll your eyes. It’s kind of triggering but you feel better after doing so. Life can sometimes be so stressful so who cares if you see your brains for 5 seconds
  • Learn to say NO. Stop saying yes to invites that are not your thing and doing stuff out of compliance. Life sucks if you can’t stand for yourself.
  • Stop depending on other people in making decisions. Know what you can bring to the table and don’t be afraid to eat alone. You are the captain of your ship, don’t let other people dictate the life you need to live.
  • Say what you want to say. Do what you need to do. You can’t sugarcoat your words just because you don’t want to hurt other people. If you need to say it to make them realize how they suck then say it. God won’t throw you to hell just because you were blatantly honest. I swear your honesty will go a long way.
  • Stop engaging in mindless small talks just because you are expected to do so. Learn to walk away from those who talk about other people’s lives and are full of themselves.
  • Accept failures and have limited f*cks in life. You see, the more you care about the details and expect more, the more you feel bad if things don’t go your way. Regardless of the outcome, all you need to do is learn from it and care for those who matter the most.

This how to be an asshole list doesn’t intend to make you a person the whole world hates. The point is for you to be able to stand on your own without being influenced by others who can manipulate you. You need to be strong and at the same time able to define your being in order for you to accomplish all items listed. You see, it takes lots of guts to be an asshole. It’s not an easy feat but I want you to be the better asshole, that one person who won’t let other people dictate his/her own happiness and conform to what the society expects you to be.

 
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Posted by on October 26, 2018 in personal