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Tag Archives: Sharon Carol Lamb

Random Thoughts Brewing

Montage. 

My mind right now is a crazy montage. All of my yesteryears keep flashing and my failures highlighted. I came into a different avenue of thoughts that made me feel so lost about what I really wanted to do with my life. I know I ain’t getting younger each day and if this is just another pre-birthday blues, I totally fear the upcoming days. 

Life’s a series of mishaps and luck we didn’t imagine. It’s how you react to certain circumstances that define your being. Sometimes because of pride, I tend to be stubborn. I don’t listen much and decide on my own. I usually trust my own judgement and gut feel. I also consider myself an asshole sometimes to people I don’t like. I am such a difficult person to deal with. 

There are days when I question my decisions if it’s indeed for the greater good. When it back fires, I need to be accountable to it. I don’t apologize if it’s not my fault but I normally take the hit. I don’t know how I feel today except that my heart is broken and my soul is tormented. Always been. Always will. 

I wonder how long will I hold on to life if life is no longer taking chances to make me appreciate each day. Not everything and everyone I value I can even call my own. I am living in a borrowed moment, a borrowed life which can be taken anytime. My regret is not to fully live and exhaust my potentials. It’s all about choices they say and I am in chaos today afraid of making a wrong move.

They say failures aren’t failures but lessons learned that will make sense someday. Life teaches us the hard way most of the time and it’s up to you on how to creatively cope. My heart has been my weakness and will always be. It has been a struggle for me to be heartless despite numerous attempts putting myself in a very vulnerable state. I built walls yet I let people in to  destroy the bricks. I don’t know why I am such a sucker for time and attention. I don’t know what to do with my self in times of chaos instead to roll into the corner, weep until the pain subsides. 

I have been depressed and I hate dragging people into my miseries and hearing their empathy statements make me wanna puke. It’s an illness I want to escape, I fake my own happiness and hide behind smiles and wit. I wanted to be strong despite this crippling feeling of emptiness. I feel inadequate. I feel that nothing makes sense and that nobody will actually love someone like me. I easily get attached to people who takes time in knowing me but it’s also a cycle, no one is strong enough to take me in one’s world. I am alone in my journey and nothing is sadder knowing you are not enough or more than enough to be loved. 

It sounds stupid most of the time to some knowing my problem is about love and life. They say all those compliments that kills me slowly. They say to wait for time may not be my best friend. They all say things that make me feel bad because if it’s true then it should have happen long ago just like how others find love and happiness. They found meaning in such a dreaded life while I survive each day hoping it’ll be my last if all these feels persist. 

I pray so hard that this will be over. Wave after wave of sadness is actually  haunting me and the pain I feel keeps on refreshing each time a moment happens. I feel bad on feeling this way because I should be happy and blessed but I’m not. I don’t feel such bliss. I just feel so tired to deal with life all the time. I hope I get to overcome this feeling.

Good night. 

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Posted by on September 28, 2017 in personal

 

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Outgrowing Yourself, Redefining Life

All of us probably wanted to live a little longer and enjoy this beautiful world but have you ever thought that it’s not actually how long you live but how you make most out of the life you have?

I always wonder what life has to offer me and I know for myself that money ain’t always my sole purpose of existing. It is not the material things that can actually complete me but I know for a fact that it is something inanimate. I seek for a deeper purpose most of the time and I see things differently compared to how others thread their daily lives. We are not born to just exist, we are born to LIVE. 

Today, I wanted to step back and reevaluate my life again after what I have been through this year; all the people I met and realizations that struck me during times that I didn’t actually expect it. I must say, it has been a year full of lessons that made me outgrow who I used to be and be someone I didn’t actually expect. My understanding of my own life became clearer and never have I been prouder to know that I didn’t cut my existence short just because I lose my faith. 

There are times in our lives that we totally do not understand why certain mishaps happen and times that test not just our faith but our totality as a human being. Heartbreaks and frustrations that shattered us to bits and made us experience rock bottom. The demons inside our head that crippled us and made us feel that no matter how we wanted to be better we are deemed to fail. We tried to stand up every time we fall, wiped those tears and even fought back several times than we imagined. Most of the time we continue to move forward, some escape their realities and get haunted later on while few quit life too soon. We have a lot of ways to cope up with what life has to offer but I guess the best way is deciding to outgrow ourselves and be in tune with our own being. 

I remembered Wil Dasovich’s video (click me ——-> Wil Dasovich  ) telling the world of his illness and how he still manages to be positive despite such bad news. I too thought about my own life and how well I lived it. What struck me the most are these questions “How satisfied are you with the way you flipped your life? Have you maximized your experience?” 

My answer? I am halfway there, perhaps.

A good friend once asked me if given a chance would I want to see the future for me to continue moving on with sheer positivity because you already had a glimpse of what is in store for you in the future? Without any doubt I said NO. Tempting as it may be, provided that life will give me a genie that grants wishes such as such I still do not want to see my future. The journey is not as beautiful as it supposed to be if that is the case. I know how I have been ranting too much or even questioning my own existence from my previous blog posts but in my heart I know that there’s a bigger reason behind everything. Every battle is meaningful even if it took me almost a decade or whatever number of years, months, weeks and days to understand. Life has its own way to uncover its meaning and sometimes we realized it late or even unexpectedly. We tend to be too impatient, we demanded too much for answers and even wanted to defy time. We know that no matter how we try to change our own path, our destiny will unravel in its own season and it is for us to fully understand why certain things need to happen for us to appreciate our life a little more.

I wanted to max out my life before life screams time’s up bitch! I wanted others to be better too and not dwell on the negativities. We need to accentuate the positive most of the time because staying sad and depressed will just not make us better. For the nth time, never have I ever wanted to outgrow myself as much as I have wanted it now.

Here are some instances that hinder us to be our better version:

  • We stick to what is convenient and practical even if it kills us inside. 
  • We focus more on our insecurities rather than our strengths.
  • We justify our vices because we say life is too short and ended up being unhealthy and sick later on. 
  • We are so into our social media accounts and it make us feel envious of other people’s lives. Classic feels. 
  • We live the dreams our parents wanted for us and lose our own identity in the process. 
  • We cannot be ourselves because we fear that society might judge us, we usually tend to conform. 
  • We try to stay in a crappy relationship because of the number of years you’ve been together without even realizing that instead of growing together you are already growing apart. 
  • We force ourselves to be someone in order to prove those who’ve hurt us that we are actually better only to end up being too frustrated because we are doing it to boost our pride but will still make us feel empty in the end.  
  • We focus too much in our future not experiencing what today has to offer.
  • We choose not to be happy because we think that we do not deserve it. It can be an event, things we wanted or even a person to love. 
  • We sulk into miseries instead of looking at the bigger picture.
  • We blame others or circumstances why we are unsatisfied with our life or why we are where we are right now. 
  • We pretend that we are fine because it is the image that we project to others. They think you got it all figured out.
  • We choose to be in the safer side of the spectrum and not taking any risk because of fear and the odds might not be in our favor.
  • We enter into a relationship because we are lonely and worst, sometimes we are fine being just the third party because we feel that we are loved and it feeds our satisfaction. Only to know later on that you hindered yourself from people that can actually make you their priority. 
  • We have a couple of hang ups that keep on haunting us as years go by. It would be best to face it rather than run from it.
  • We keep ourselves too busy and preoccupied because reality bites but actually we forgot about the little things — a smile from an innocent kid,a beautiful sunset, morning dew drops, breathing and a chance each day to be the person we wanted to be. 
  • We predetermined our future and tried to wire our minds to it without even realizing that life has its own way to surprise us. 
  • We do not have an abundant mindset.

The list is actually limited because there are thousands of reasons that made us chase pavements instead of exploring our sole existence as human beings and that is again to grow as time passes by or maybe towards a bigger purpose not yet defined. 

Purpose, here we go again. Some people already got their lives figured out while some is still in the process. My existence revolves in knowing what will fill the void that I feel inside of me. I am calming my own storms as years pass by. I know that when I look in the mirror I saw someone who is willing to leave everything behind and live the life she wanted. I got gazillions of plans and I only have a limited time. While I am young and strong, I will keep on choosing whatever will make me happy. Life is too short to drink a crappy wine, listen to a crappy song, eating a crappy food, being in The crappy relationship, hanging out with crappy people who drains your energy and be in your crappy comfort zone. 

Live and be an inspiration.

Live and believe.

Live and love. 

Choose what makes you happy. Choose whoever makes you happy. Let go of people you love so much even if it hurts especially if you no longer see a better future with them. The toughest thing I did is to finally let go of everything I hold on to for the past years to make room for something better. I am a bigger person now by choosing my battles wisely. I am closing one chapter of my life and is starting to redefine it.To quote Wil Dasovich: “As you age, you will come to a realization that you will be disappointed with the things you didn’t do than the things you did do.”

Indeed, it is not the years in your life but the life in your years.

Every day can be a brand new start for all of us. It’s about time.

 
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Posted by on August 27, 2017 in personal

 

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On Frustration. 

On Frustration. 

Days ago I am afraid of what might November brings into my life this year. I seem to be cursed because most of my dreaded memories usually happen during my birth month.  I already expected it but still never fails to surprise me.  To cut the long story short, it just happened today. 

I am still battling quarter life crisis. I am still fighting my demons that poison my thoughts. There are instances when I ask myself if I’m where I wanted to be and usually my subconscious would say NO. I wanted to do a lot of things most of the time restricted by monetary reasons. I think I’m screwed because at 26 I still don’t have savings to be proud of. My years were spent on wasting my weekends eating and drinking. I invested on myself but I haven’t make use of my masters degree yet. I’ve been into places this year feeding my wanderlust but I still go home feeling incomplete. I attended too many kiddie parties this year asking myself when will I have one to prepare for. I see a lot of couples and I’m wondering when will I be committed. Work was the only thing that seemed to be right and here I am frustrated for the nth time to the new changes. 

The movement from one department to another came in as a surprise. I was a bit depressed knowing I got my ball already rolling and I’m just waiting for results. I spent most of my time looking for job aids that can help out my team to be more efficient and effective. We were delivering the numbers and I know I’ll nail the top team award if it continues for a month but guess what — life happened. I accepted the change. I was demotivated. I need to psych up myself in adjusting to a newer ground. Shit. 

It was weeks of battling depression because I need to adjust and how I hate adjusting and getting to know people but I still do it because of course I don’t have a choice. 

They gave me a new team. I did everything I can to work things out.  Numbers are good, all I did is to remind them. I was able to fix their absenteeism rate. Months pass by and I got to know them more. They are bunch of locos who match my kind of crazy and we’re able to really click as a team. So far they are the most easy to deal with, lesser dramas and more fun. It wasn’t a good ride but I am challenged enough to do everything I can to make them back on top — to make me back from where I was,  top team lead, top team. My work is the only thing that is actually right in my life. The rest are work in progress and nightmares I ought not to focus on or else it would just heighten my depression that I am overcoming on my own. 

Today, I got the news that I’ll have a different tteam with only 6 out of  16 will be left under my wing. 

I don’t know how to respond but my mind keeps on flashing memories. It happened thrice in my career life and my life frustration then hits me.

At 26, I still don’t have a car. I still don’t have a fat savings account. I’m just getting fatter. I still don’t have a boyfriend. I am 80% away from my dreams. I am still a struggling photographer wannabe without the gadgets. I’m still searching for my purpose.  I feel incomplete. 
I want to throw everything my hands can grab and wail my heart out because of frustration. I want to make things too difficult for others. They won’t understand and I won’t explain because this is my own battle. It’s not just changing of roster, it’s my own frustration with my life. I am planning how to move my team already and it breaks me to start all over again, to be all psyched up and put my game face on because I’m being challenged. A coach doesn’t give up easily and I’m almost there — I’m tired now. 

I wany to wrap myself with a blanket with a cup of hot choco in hand while watching the crescent as the clouds fade its beauty and the waves keep on tossing and turning. I want to be away today. 

If only I get paid to travel, I will. I want to find my core again. I want to chase my unrealized dreams. 

November happened again and I’m in rock bottom AGAIN. I hope to wake up with void feelings and not being haunted by my frustrations. 

Happy birthday to me! 

 
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Posted by on November 3, 2016 in personal

 

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My Give A Bag Of Hope Experience

I know that it’s been just minutes ago since my last blog entry but I guess I am so compelled to write my thoughts about my Give A Bag of Hope experience last July 6 after watching the video that my friend in Employee Engagement tagged me in Facebook.

Forgive me for being so overly dramatic as of the moment because I am so ugly crying here after watching the video. I hate my 3-am self because I tend to be so emotional. Yuck! 😦

Here’s the link by the way:

Maybe you guys are wondering what is the Give A Bag of Hope is all about. It is actually one way of Convergys to give back to our community by providing school supplies to elementary school students because the company values literacy which is necessary for us to have a brighter future as a nation.

Here’s the link of the #GiveABagofHope project that was launched to all Convergys sites last May 2015 ( another tear jerker) :

This project was really close to my heart that’s why I really joined the campaign and the school activation. I am a firm believer that an educated Filipino is surely a key to a better Philippines.It’s also my way to personally give back because I was able to finish my graduate studies through the aid of Convergys Educational Assistance Program.

Based on the data that was provided in the video, the company was able to give out 17,123 bags and that’s 17,123 students that we were able to change and empower to work on their dreams. While we are on the mission to change other people lives, we were also transformed throughout the experience. For every successful referral, for every salary deduction we pledged and for the school supplies we donated — it was meant for a greater cause. I hope other employees were moved as much as I was moved by this project. It is not just our corporate social responsibility, it is not just empowering our own selves but also helping those kids achieve their dreams. Cliche as it may sound but truly the youth is the hope of our nation.

Sharing some pictures I took during the school activation last July 6 at Bata Elementary School, Bacolod City:

The bag actually includes a note card where employees wrote their messages to the students.

Those genuine smiles and innocent thoughts surely made my heart melt. I love kids because they remind me how life was once simple and less complicated.

I got to say, my charm really works since I was able to build my own “love” team here by convincing everyone to pose with a heart sign. This picture really made me smile because one student actually told me that she does this to show her love. Heartwarming. 🙂

I ❤ my job here. 🙂

The students and teachers of Bata Elementary School.

Mark McMahon, our Give A Bag Of Hope Ambassador thanking our employees for their support and donations. He is actually a model turned into celebrity just recently. I must say he really has a good heart. I can feel his sincerity in helping out unlike others who just simply do it because they are paid to do it. You can really see that what he’s doing is simply out of passion and love for the kids. I wish him well though, that he may be successful in his showbiz career because he really  got what it takes. As I follow his Instagram account, I realized that he reminds me of myself sometimes because I too loves the beach, kids, dogs, cats, also a November kid and simply enjoys the chill life — he is soooo me.  I think we’ll be great friends. **winks**

HAHAHAHAHAHA a lot of employees went gaga over him while I went gaga after stalking him in IG a day after he left Bacolod. 😍

Mark with our operations managers and cluster heads.

Mark with the support team and the team leaders.

Mark with my awesome team! ( yeah, I know I am so biased!)

It sucks to admit but it’s just so damn hard to leave this bunch of crazies. I really enjoyed being part of our Employee Engagement team. 🙂

I guess I made my decision. I will no longer take the Organizational Development manager opening in one of the biggest sugar industry corporation in the country but instead endure my life as a Team Leader in the company that changed me into a more mature and empowered individual. I might need more years of experience in a supervisory and managerial position before I take the leap to a major career change. I know I have been a whiner and secretly ranting in my head how my life sucks and how my work sucks but actually it’s not the worst. I am actually blessed to have a decent job that pays my bills, a job that gives back to the less fortunate and a job that helps me transform other people’s lives. I think I am not ready to retire yet after my 5 years stint. I still have the patience to endure the pressure of hitting our client valued metrics in order to satisfy the expectations of our clients. When everything seems to be awful and tiring, I will just remind myself how awesome it is to be part of Employee Engagement which actually has the huge factor in my decision. I love my life as an EE champion and I am proud to be part of Convergys Bacolod Employee Engagement Team! 🙂

And lastly… I am also proud to be a Convergys Leader!

My Give A Bag Of Hope Experience really had a huge impact in my decision to stay. Let’s give it a shot until the year ends then we’ll try seeking for opportunities once again. I know, I know… I am such a hard-headed individual or should I say a coward because I won’t take that chance for a major life change. Nah, I am still young, so better yet enjoy the learning process! Peter Pan Complex ON! 🙂

 
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Posted by on September 7, 2015 in Uncategorized

 

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Be Careful What You Wish For.

I was so dead tired last Saturday that I slept from 1pm – 2am. I woke up seeing missed calls from my former graduate school professor so I decided to text her and apologized for not being able to answer it. She told me that one of the biggest corporation in the sugar industry is currently hiring an Organizational Development Manager — a position that I really would love to have since it is more focus on improvement of current company processes by conducting research studies. I know I really want a career revamp since I feel that I am not really making progress anymore. The BPO industry is really dynamic and I owe a lot of my wisdom from my years of experience. I never knew I will last more than 5 years in this industry with my sanity intact. Change is inevitable and just like technology it is so drastic. If you are not resilient enough, you will surely decide to move out and find a company that would not test your patience. I love and at the same time hate my job for no apparent reasons, probably because most of the time I get too bored of doing same stuff but my salary surely pays the bill so it’s one motivation why I chose to stay.

Now, I got an opportunity to kiss my job goodbye and try a new adventure. I have been a YOLO kid with a Peter Pan complex. I mean as much as I want change in my career I am also scared of taking my life seriously. At 25, I want to fix my life but there’s this fear that I may no longer have the freedom to do what I want just like the way it was before. The BPO industry is so diversified unlike any other industries that we have. People of all shapes, sizes and ages are working together without any discrimination unlike some other industries. I mean this has been my comfort zone and I know I have been dying to move out since day 180 of my stay in this industry. I finished my bachelor’s degree in Computer Science yet I was not able to practice it at all. I decided to take up Masters in Business Administration and partly applying some of my learning in dealing with my colleagues and subordinates but it is still not enough. My heart seems to long for something I cannot still decipher what except my endless desire to write, to travel and to learn from other people’s way of dealing with life. My interest right now is more geared towards the complexities of human emotions and how each of us battle our daily lives. It is really more in psychology and humanities. I am a complete f*cked up, I know. I am strayed away from the path I traveled but I guess I am really learning more about myself.

I still cannot decide whether I will apply or not. I mean it is far from home prolly a 2 – hour travel plus it might require some seriousness and discipline which is scary but I know I can deal with that. It’s just that the mere thought of nailing it bites inside my heart because it means that I will be leaving my home. I know I have been whining for the past years of how bored or how monotonous my life can be sometimes but it’s not really the work, it’s the people I have been working for quite some time already that makes leaving quite difficult to imagine. I will surely miss working at night and having lunch at 2am in the morning. It made me live in New York timezone. I usually sleep in the morning and wake up in the afternoon. This kind of life that I used to live seems to be hard to forget. I mean, I was once an innocent noob who does not know how crazy the real world can be but now, I have become an independent woman who thrives hard in order to survive and regain my sanity. The real world is so daunting unlike the way we imagined it to be back when we are still learning everything in high school or in college.

I know I wanted this, I wished for this but I never knew that it will happen all of a sudden. I might think about it more and probably hear the catch first before deciding to take a leap of faith. I just want to be sure and be practical with my decision as I don’t want to leave my chill life as much as possible.

Here’s to another sleepless night, I hope my decision will be right!

 
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Posted by on September 7, 2015 in Uncategorized

 

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Life Path Number = 7

Got this from: Lotus Tarot Card Read

Numerology Life Path Number 7

Sharon Carol Lamb, your birth date Nov 23, 1989 resolves to 7

What is a Life Path Number?

If ever there was a moment of total transformation, it was the moment of your birth. In that instant, you stepped through a door in time into a new reality — the reality of human life. The most important number in your numerology chart is based on the date of your birth, the moment when the curtain goes up in your life.

Even at that moment, you were a person with your own unique character, as unique as your DNA. Everything that is you existed in potential, much like a play that is about to begin. Your entire life exists as a potential that has been prepared for. You have ultimate freedom to do with your life as you like: To fulfill its potential completely, or to make some smaller version of yourself. It all depends upon your effort and commitment.

You make the decisions to fulfill, to whatever extent, the potential life that exists within you. That is your choice. In this sense, the possible you is implicit during the moment of your birth.

The Life Path number gives us a broad outline of the opportunities, challenges, and lessons we will encounter in this lifetime. Your Life path is the road you are traveling. It reveals the opportunities and challenges you will face in life. Your Life Path number is the single most important information available in your Personality Chart!

What does a Life Path Number of 7 mean?

Sharon Carol Lamb, you are the searcher and the seeker of the truth. You have a clear and compelling sense of yourself as a spiritual being. As a result, your life path is devoted to investigations into the unknown, and finding the answers to the mysteries of life.

You are well-equipped to handle your task. You possess a fine mind; you are an analytical thinker, capable of great concentration and theoretical insight. You enjoy research, and putting the pieces of an intellectual puzzle together. Once you have enough pieces in place, you are capable of highly creative insight and practical solutions to problems.

You enjoy your solitude and prefer to work alone. You need time to contemplate your ideas without the intrusion of other people’s thoughts. You are a lone wolf Sharon Carol Lamb, a person who lives by his own ideas and methods. As a result, close associations are difficult for you to form and keep, especially marriage. You need your space and privacy, which, when violated, can cause you great frustration and irritation.

When your life is balanced, however, you are both charming and attractive. You can be the life of a party, and enjoy performing before an audience. You enjoy displaying your wit and knowledge, which makes you attractive to others, especially the opposite sex.

But you have distinct limits. While you are generous in social situations, sharing your attention and energy freely, you are keenly aware of the need to ‘come off stage’ and return to the solitude of your lair. You associate peace with the unobtrusive privacy of your world. Therefore, intimacy is difficult for you, because you guard your inner world like a mother lion does her cubs.

All this privacy and aloneness can cause isolation and loneliness, however. You can be aware of emptiness in your life, a part of you that yearns for company and close companionship that may be unsatisfied.

If isolation is brought to the extreme, you can become cynical and suspicious. You can develop hidden, selfish motives Sharon Carol Lamb, which people may sense and may cause them discomfort around you. You must guard against becoming too withdrawn and independent, thus shutting out the love of others and keeping you from experiencing the true joy of friendship and close companionship.

You must especially watch out for selfishness and egocentricity, thinking of yourself as the center of the universe, the only person who really matters. Social contact gives you perspective on yourself and on life, while too much isolation can make you too narrow and even shut off from the rest of the world.

Secretly, you may feel jealous of the easy relationships formed by others; you may perceive others as less inhibited than you, or more free to express themselves. You may harshly criticize yourself for not being more gregarious, powerful, or capable of greater leadership.

Sharon Carol Lamb, your challenge in life is to maintain your independence without feeling isolated or ineffectual. You must hold fast to your unique view on the world, while at the same time being open to others and the knowledge they have to offer.

With your abilities to learn, analyze, seek out answers to life’s important questions, you have the potential for enormous growth and success in life. By the time you reach middle age, you will radiate refinement and wisdom.

Pythagoras, one of the greatest Numerologists in history, loved the seven for its great spiritual potential.

 
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Posted by on September 1, 2015 in Uncategorized

 

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Happy September 1st!

So I got to sort some of my issues and I am starting it right this September.

I should be happy since finally we are able to talk but I don’t get it still. I mean if someone who values friendship, why did it take him so long to reach out and fight for it? Oh yeah, it was me who tried to put closure on an issue that is not supposed to be an issue. If it was not because of me our friendship would really gone haywire without any apparent reason at all. It’s because I got a jerk friend who does not know how to deal with it. I’m still frustrated but I guess this is enough for me to realize a lot of things. I am still mad and I am trying not to be mad because he thinks it’s fix and I don’t want to be the villain in our beautiful friendship. I guess giving it another shot would be a better idea than cussing him from a far.

I should be happy because it’s fix! I mean, we are back to talking terms and that should really be great, right? C’mon! I am telling myself that this is another diary kind of moment but I refused to write about it. I refused to acknowledge the fact that we are already okay. I don’t know if he’ll be a jerk again one day telling me shits and then won’t talk to me all of a sudden. Trust — geez, you had me once but this time it’ll be different. I don’t know how to start over. I don’t know how we can rekindle those days again when I am already stained and I l know I am making a big deal out of it –really. I need to forget about what have happened. I want to forget but the problem is, I never forget things.

I guess I have changed. I mean it’s been liberating to finally speak my mind and just plainly be honest. I have been good for the past years and I tried to avoid conflict as much as possible but as we age we realized that life becomes too complicated if we sugarcoat things. Everyone deserves the truth… no more no less. It’s about being honest to ourselves and being mature enough to deal with things. I am shrugging off all the butterflies in my stomach, shrugging off my fairy tale endings, shrugging off my hopes, shrugging off my prayers, shrugging off my feelings until I see him as a man not a boy. I really want him to be a man, to be strong, to be full of conviction and to finally chase his dreams. Why is it so difficult? Why can’t he be a man? The frustration continues.

A friend told me, “what if instead of praying that he’ll be a man just help him in finding himself and in sorting his own issues in life? You are his friend in the first place. Just be there because he might need someone like you, flawed and lost just like him to survive his own demons.” — Lord… I got shallow problems I know but please lead me to the right path. 

Quoting some beautiful lines from one fellow blogger via : http://www.elephantjournal.com/2015/06/a-soul-mate-is-a-mirror-we-accept-the-love-we-believe-we-deserve/

“Soul mates are mirrors to our souls. Whatever we attract is what we are putting out. When we look at the relationships we have chosen they are reflections of how we felt on the inside. Although their personalities may be very different to ours their words and actions play out and speak our deepest insecurities and fears. We allow them a place in our lives and for a time, we even believe their words.

“We accept the love we think we deserve.” ~ Stephen Chbosky, The Perks of Being a Wallflower

Until we wake up and recognise the truths about our selves. That we are all deserving of love. We are all a mixture of beautiful and broken. We are all an alchemical blend of darkness and light.

 

We do not need someone else to stand in front of us and tell us this. We do not need to play small in the world. We do not need to cower or dim our light or to be afraid to rise and demand our worth.

When we attract a soul mate that reflects our dark side, it is because there are things we still need to discover and accept about ourselves. They will show us where our weaknesses are, show us our faults, fears, insecurities, demons, imperfections and the relationship can be deeply painful and destructive. The light will constantly focus on areas that we need to work on and mostly the parts of us that need to heal.”

I actually do not know what step to take but I guess I’ll let it be… thy will be done.

Work makes me lose my mind.

My life is still revolving on shades of gray.

I have this feeling that I am about to have some of my prayers answered.

I want to start my BER months in a more positive note. Let’s do this!!!!

Note to self:

 
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Posted by on September 1, 2015 in 25, journal, life

 

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