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Be Careful What You Wish For.

I was so dead tired last Saturday that I slept from 1pm – 2am. I woke up seeing missed calls from my former graduate school professor so I decided to text her and apologized for not being able to answer it. She told me that one of the biggest corporation in the sugar industry is currently hiring an Organizational Development Manager — a position that I really would love to have since it is more focus on improvement of current company processes by conducting research studies. I know I really want a career revamp since I feel that I am not really making progress anymore. The BPO industry is really dynamic and I owe a lot of my wisdom from my years of experience. I never knew I will last more than 5 years in this industry with my sanity intact. Change is inevitable and just like technology it is so drastic. If you are not resilient enough, you will surely decide to move out and find a company that would not test your patience. I love and at the same time hate my job for no apparent reasons, probably because most of the time I get too bored of doing same stuff but my salary surely pays the bill so it’s one motivation why I chose to stay.

Now, I got an opportunity to kiss my job goodbye and try a new adventure. I have been a YOLO kid with a Peter Pan complex. I mean as much as I want change in my career I am also scared of taking my life seriously. At 25, I want to fix my life but there’s this fear that I may no longer have the freedom to do what I want just like the way it was before. The BPO industry is so diversified unlike any other industries that we have. People of all shapes, sizes and ages are working together without any discrimination unlike some other industries. I mean this has been my comfort zone and I know I have been dying to move out since day 180 of my stay in this industry. I finished my bachelor’s degree in Computer Science yet I was not able to practice it at all. I decided to take up Masters in Business Administration and partly applying some of my learning in dealing with my colleagues and subordinates but it is still not enough. My heart seems to long for something I cannot still decipher what except my endless desire to write, to travel and to learn from other people’s way of dealing with life. My interest right now is more geared towards the complexities of human emotions and how each of us battle our daily lives. It is really more in psychology and humanities. I am a complete f*cked up, I know. I am strayed away from the path I traveled but I guess I am really learning more about myself.

I still cannot decide whether I will apply or not. I mean it is far from home prolly a 2 – hour travel plus it might require some seriousness and discipline which is scary but I know I can deal with that. It’s just that the mere thought of nailing it bites inside my heart because it means that I will be leaving my home. I know I have been whining for the past years of how bored or how monotonous my life can be sometimes but it’s not really the work, it’s the people I have been working for quite some time already that makes leaving quite difficult to imagine. I will surely miss working at night and having lunch at 2am in the morning. It made me live in New York timezone. I usually sleep in the morning and wake up in the afternoon. This kind of life that I used to live seems to be hard to forget. I mean, I was once an innocent noob who does not know how crazy the real world can be but now, I have become an independent woman who thrives hard in order to survive and regain my sanity. The real world is so daunting unlike the way we imagined it to be back when we are still learning everything in high school or in college.

I know I wanted this, I wished for this but I never knew that it will happen all of a sudden. I might think about it more and probably hear the catch first before deciding to take a leap of faith. I just want to be sure and be practical with my decision as I don’t want to leave my chill life as much as possible.

Here’s to another sleepless night, I hope my decision will be right!

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Posted by on September 7, 2015 in Uncategorized

 

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03/17 – Day 3: What Drives Your Life?

On March 20 – 21 will be my comprehensive exam and to be honest, that’s what drives me the most this week. 10 subjects in just 2 days. Oh my gee. I swear I am about to collapse as I can feel all the anxieties and panic surge. I am driven to finish my deliverables at this moment so that I can fully study except that my mind is currently jittering. Oh well.

Anyhoo, Day 3 of my Purpose Driven Life Journey focuses more on what drives us to exist. It helps us in answering the question about your driving force. What is your driving force by the way? Me, all I want is to finally check all my bucket lists and live a life full of purpose by being the person I am destined to be. Big statement? I know.

The book though listed five most common drives that we experienced:

  • Many people are driven by guilt.

I agree as I experienced this before. I did live my life haunted by the shadows of my past. I already wrote about it few years back but I am glad I was totally over it though it took me hell lot of time to forgive myself. Never let your past rule your life.

  • Many people are driven by resentment and anger.

“Resentment always hurts you more than it does the person you resent.” I don’t dwell on the negatives because it won’t do you well. Always accentuate the positives and burn the negatives. Let go of whatever happened to your past. Learn from past experiences. Have no room for regrets.

  • Many people are driven by fear.

I decided to live my life without any fear as I don’t want to hinder myself with all the possibilities just because I am afraid to take chances.

  • Many people are driven by materialism.

I am definitely guilty of this. I’ve got goals I want to achieve. Having a car is one of my ultimate plans as of the moment because I want to go on roadtrips and be in places I haven’t been. I wanted to earn more so that I will buy whatever I wanted to buy and be wherever I want to be. I am materialistic perhaps, a wanderer, a person driven by his goals. I am aware that money won’t bring me permanent happiness because I am still a believer that the best things in life aren’t actually things. I remind myself that my value is not actually based on what I have monetarily but who I am as a person. Real security is our own relationship with our Creator and not just money.

  • Many people are driven by the need for approval.

“Those who follow the crowd, get lost in it.” Do what your heart screams for and be a person who lives his life according to other people’s expectations. Seriously, you are living such a sad life if you let the expectation of others define you. You are living on someone else’s shadow. I promised myself that I will never ever let anyone control my life. I did not exist to fulfill the expectation of others. I won’t let you or anybody else define me, your opinions won’t define me.

Without a purpose, life is motion without meaning, activity without direction, and events without reason.”

 

A life without a defined purpose is the greatest tragedy of all. It is existing for nothing. If you’re still lost, keep on asking God to lead you the way to greatness. Never stop on hoping that someday your life finally makes sense and that you exist for greater good. Keep going! Keep on believing! Never cease on asking God!

“God… is able to do far more than we would ever dare to ask or even dream of – infinitely beyond our highest prayers, desires, thoughts or hopes.”

Knowing our purpose has its own benefits. It gives us meaning. It simplifies our own life as we know what we will prioritize the most .It gives us the sense of balance to live our life by focusing more on what really matters making our lives a little lot effective. Prune away those activities that don’t do you well.

You can be busy without a purpose?What’s the point?”

Our purpose helps us in motivating ourselves because it produces passion. It drives us each day because we are loving what we are doing. Lastly, if we live a life with purpose it actually prepares us for eternity. I always tell myself that I need to please God when I die. The greatest pride is to hear him say, “Very well, my child. You lived your life according to my plans. You may now enter the kingdom as I’ve waited long to be with you again.”  I need to change my belief about living to leave a legacy on earth because I know my existence will then be forgotten.

 
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Posted by on March 17, 2015 in Uncategorized

 

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10/03 – Day 315: Art

I want to be an arts student because I believed that I need to find my niche. I want to know what type of artist I can be and what art field do I really belong to. There’s a certain joy that being creative brings. It’s my second outlet whenever I feel so stress.

Writing is my first option whenever I feel that the world hates me. They both gives me the sanity I need during tough times. 🙂

 
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Posted by on October 27, 2012 in hobby, life

 

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09/28 – Day 310: Spotlight

Mentor others to find their own spotlight so that they’ll have no chances of stealing yours. haha

I am still searching for my niche, to do what I really love doing and be the best version of my self. I long for the day that I finally find what I really want in life.

 
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Posted by on October 10, 2012 in life

 

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09/26 – Day 308: Work + Passion = Happiness

There are those days that suck the happiness in me. There are those days that were too great. Today, I am positive after I go bruhaha of how crappy my yesterday was.

Oh well, we finally decided on our new work schedule… and it’s awesome. Weekends off!!! Yes! 12am – 9am — not bad at all. 🙂

I feel so guilty not able to help the new Red Cross Youth officers in their transition year. I guess it’s not easy to let go of something that has been part of your system and today I decided to go back to where my heart belongs. Thanks to my new schedule, I can balance work and passion. My work and my passion are not the same you know that’s why I feel so AMAAAAAZING that I can be working and then go back to my life as a Red Cross volunteer! 🙂

I am feeling the last quarter of the year work slump. Here I go again on thoughts of resigning and finally move to somewhere far away from my comfort zone and live the fast life. (Be careful what you wish for, I say.)

Am I ready? I guess I will if I really need to.

I am not saying my work is crappy. I learned to love it, or should I say enjoy it. I love working with people, enjoyed being with the SME team as we get along so well, I love doing those mentoring sessions especially if our scores show significant improvement. And I always say, one’s scorecard does not define him or her. Work performance can be behavioral, some just have personal problems to struggle, demotivation — just like me on random days and well — luck. Blah. I am tired of talking about work… it bores me. haha

Anyways, life is doing well right now. It’s okay, nothing really great is happening but it’s something one can be grateful of. I still don’t have a lovelife to boot but at least I am inspired. 🙂
But how long will I settle for less if I know deep within myself that I am made to be better than who I am today?

I know that my passion is in Red Cross, serving people, all the inspiring talks and leadership trainings bring sheer joy but I know in reality that it won’t provide the lifestyle that I want. Yes, it’s a noble decision to live serving others but then I also have a dream life that I want to live. Cars, a house and all the dream vacations… oh well.

Whatever makes me happy, I’ll go. I’ll choose later on if it’s the life I really wanted. 🙂

I want to be a volunteer again, I don’t know until when but I just want to be. My future seems to be jaded as of the moment especially of some plans. I don’t know if I am meant to stay or live away from Philippines. While there’s uncertainty on what the future brings, I’ll stay for a while and be that fish who swims together with the tide and let time and fate decides what will happen next. I decided to go back to where my heart is because I know it will help me decide on what I really want. At least I’ll bring great memories with me incase I will leave. (If I really need to leave… 🙂 )

I know some of my posts were a bit intriguing but I just don’t want to talk about it until every thing is A-OKAY.

Oh the hassles of citizenship issue and whatever, just the thought of it — confuses me.

Anyways, I am positive. This too shall pass — all the confusion, the daunting questions of self discovery and all the crazy things life has to offer… it’s all part of a grander plan.

Thanks Lord for a dynamic and crazy life I am living. I trust you and thy will be done. Whatever tomorrow brings, I’ll be there… with a wide grin in my face and arms wide open.

Live. Laugh. Hmmmm… LOVE. 🙂

 
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Posted by on October 10, 2012 in life, work

 

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07/08 – Day 228: Creative Soul

As time passes by, I admit… I want to do something that would require my creativity and imagination. Time drifts away without me in it. I remembered the coffee plus long talks shared with my best friend last summer. We talked about what we need to do, our sacrifices for our family and also letting some of our absurd dreams go, even if that makes us happy. There are times when I don’t know what to do anymore or should I say just simply quit what I am doing and venture into a realm of endless possibilities that would require you to risk what you have. I am a risk taker but if family is involved, some decisions need to be weigh for a couple of times. I need to make a list of pros and cons and the like. Sometimes, we need to sacrifice our own happiness for others and just simply wait for that perfect timing. Live and be happy as possible today. I will just live by the moment and let my passions be the fuel for me to survive each passing day. 🙂

 
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Posted by on July 11, 2012 in hobby, life

 

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04/21 – Day 150: Commitment Rites

11 Candles.

9 Young leaders who committed theirselves to excel and do their best for the next 2 years.

2 previous young leaders who committed to support the transition period of the newly elected officers.

1 leader who will helped the young leaders to be the best person that they can be, enhanced their skills, train them to be a good example to others and gather more young souls to serve the suffering humanity.

We don’t know who’s light will the first to burn out, we don’t know who will be left in the end but what we know is that we committed ourselves into something that we believed and loved. Together, we will shine and inspire other young people to be the light in this world.

I am a Red Cross Volunteer and I committed to support the organization as long as I am here in Bacolod and as long as I live. It made me into who I am today, my skills were enhanced, talents were discovered and the things that I have never thought I will be doing, I have done it. Those experiences mold me to be a better person and half of the adventures I have came from my RCY life.

 
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Posted by on April 29, 2012 in Life Blog

 

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