“Love does not make you whole, it is you who makes your life whole. ”
Relationship is a commitment between two people who are willing to go through their life complexities together.
I am old fashioned when it comes to love.
At my age right now, I am no longer interested in flings and whatsoever. I’ve never been interested in that kind of set up. I want a serious relationship ever since high school. I can be completely honest by telling those boys who’ve wanted to court me before that I’m not interested. I don’t want them to make the effort for nothing. I know what I want and if at first it won’t work why would I let them do chivalry acts only to end up broken, that’s unfair and mean.
I would admit I’m in love right now, I cannot deny it because I’ve wrote too much about him. This blog is my personal space that stores my emotions. I know people can read it but I don’t actually care. It’s my thoughts published in an electronic sheet of paper awaiting for other people’s criticisms and judgment. Again, I don’t actually care.
Going back to love shits, I have pondered it too well. I used to rush things as I have a strong feeling we’ll work out but I’ve realized that it’s not just about emotions. Just when I thought I’m ready to commit and confess my feelings, reality slapped me. It’s not easy.
I’m not even ready for commitments. I can’t even fix my personal issues. I can’t even figure out how I will live my life because I’m just simply living in the present not caring too much about the future. I can’t even decide on what I really wanted to be. It’s a little crazy and unfair again to drag someone in my complex world even I can’t figure out. I’m fixing my past relationships for me to have that closure that I totally need. I’m slowly finding each missing pieces to complete my dreams and work on my goals. I am not ready for a relationship at all and God made me realized that. It’s crazy to pray and pray for him to realized I’m actually worth it when in fact he does not deserve someone who still has issues to be fixed.
I actually don’t know until when I’ll work on my life issues. I don’t know if he can actually wait because as I can see he too needs to do something with himself because he has issues as well. I thank God for telling me to wait, not all that I want will happen according to my plans. God has his plans for me and I’m seeking for support and guidance that he’ll help me figure out what I really want in this life. I’m working on my Master’s degree. I was recently promoted. I am still fixing my financial issues and personal dilemmas. I am slowly fixing everything for my own good, for me to be fully ready once the time comes.
Beyond that, I feel blessed and happy. I am happy despite the struggles. I am happy despite the pain I’ve endured. I am happy to have someone I can totally trust. I am happy with what God has given me.