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On Friendships That Stayed and Lost.

On Friendships That Stayed and Lost.

Humans as we are are born to be social creatures. True to that cliche saying, no man is indeed an island.

Back in highschool, I think having lots of circles will make me cool and famous. I got my own set of friends that dig in my interests and I got other circles I join sometimes to talk about computers and WWE. I can say that I’m friendly even if I had one or two classmates I haven’t talked to until almost graduation. 

In college, I’m such a social creature as I’ve joined several organizations. I can’t say I’m famous but I got a lot of networks from other clubs making it more easier to meet others. Smiling, nodding and saying hi has been a daily thing.

Today, I realized that in order to be better I don’t actually need millions of people that would say hi to me and would invite me out for a party or dinner or whatever they want to do. As I grow older, I think of friendships as a loaded ship where those that don’t matter will just weigh you down and will just capsized everything.

I choose my friends wisely. I choose people who can enter my life as precise as possible. Yes, I do have trust issues. I let those people in because they deserve to know my quirky demons, both tamed and untamed. God gave me this weird instincts that know how to distinguish a good company or not so I’m making use of it all the time. I am not sorry to those that I don’t want to be in my life because I can sense that you won’t understand at all instead you’ll feed into my miseries and will just kill me with your words when I’m not around. I don’t like to be with people who make fun of others to feel better about themselves. I don’t like to be with people who think they are better than others just because they are smart and famous. I don’t want to be with people who befriends you because they have intentions. I don’t like to be with people who’s ain’t my frequency and vibe. 

I stick with people who makes me glad that I’m alive. I like to spend my time with colleagues, subordinates and friends whose minds are wired to mine especially those with kindred spirit and meekness I adore. I choose to be with those that make me happier and better. People who makes me not lose hope in humanity and people that brings out the best in each other. 

Cheers to my friends for all these years who’ve seen me cry, laugh like an idiot, drunk, in rage and plainly crazy. Kudos to those who listened and took time!

I may have lost people along the way but I got those who matters most today. 

 
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Posted by on May 28, 2017 in Thoughts Brewery

 

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Happy September 1st!

So I got to sort some of my issues and I am starting it right this September.

I should be happy since finally we are able to talk but I don’t get it still. I mean if someone who values friendship, why did it take him so long to reach out and fight for it? Oh yeah, it was me who tried to put closure on an issue that is not supposed to be an issue. If it was not because of me our friendship would really gone haywire without any apparent reason at all. It’s because I got a jerk friend who does not know how to deal with it. I’m still frustrated but I guess this is enough for me to realize a lot of things. I am still mad and I am trying not to be mad because he thinks it’s fix and I don’t want to be the villain in our beautiful friendship. I guess giving it another shot would be a better idea than cussing him from a far.

I should be happy because it’s fix! I mean, we are back to talking terms and that should really be great, right? C’mon! I am telling myself that this is another diary kind of moment but I refused to write about it. I refused to acknowledge the fact that we are already okay. I don’t know if he’ll be a jerk again one day telling me shits and then won’t talk to me all of a sudden. Trust — geez, you had me once but this time it’ll be different. I don’t know how to start over. I don’t know how we can rekindle those days again when I am already stained and I l know I am making a big deal out of it –really. I need to forget about what have happened. I want to forget but the problem is, I never forget things.

I guess I have changed. I mean it’s been liberating to finally speak my mind and just plainly be honest. I have been good for the past years and I tried to avoid conflict as much as possible but as we age we realized that life becomes too complicated if we sugarcoat things. Everyone deserves the truth… no more no less. It’s about being honest to ourselves and being mature enough to deal with things. I am shrugging off all the butterflies in my stomach, shrugging off my fairy tale endings, shrugging off my hopes, shrugging off my prayers, shrugging off my feelings until I see him as a man not a boy. I really want him to be a man, to be strong, to be full of conviction and to finally chase his dreams. Why is it so difficult? Why can’t he be a man? The frustration continues.

A friend told me, “what if instead of praying that he’ll be a man just help him in finding himself and in sorting his own issues in life? You are his friend in the first place. Just be there because he might need someone like you, flawed and lost just like him to survive his own demons.” — Lord… I got shallow problems I know but please lead me to the right path. 

Quoting some beautiful lines from one fellow blogger via : http://www.elephantjournal.com/2015/06/a-soul-mate-is-a-mirror-we-accept-the-love-we-believe-we-deserve/

“Soul mates are mirrors to our souls. Whatever we attract is what we are putting out. When we look at the relationships we have chosen they are reflections of how we felt on the inside. Although their personalities may be very different to ours their words and actions play out and speak our deepest insecurities and fears. We allow them a place in our lives and for a time, we even believe their words.

“We accept the love we think we deserve.” ~ Stephen Chbosky, The Perks of Being a Wallflower

Until we wake up and recognise the truths about our selves. That we are all deserving of love. We are all a mixture of beautiful and broken. We are all an alchemical blend of darkness and light.

 

We do not need someone else to stand in front of us and tell us this. We do not need to play small in the world. We do not need to cower or dim our light or to be afraid to rise and demand our worth.

When we attract a soul mate that reflects our dark side, it is because there are things we still need to discover and accept about ourselves. They will show us where our weaknesses are, show us our faults, fears, insecurities, demons, imperfections and the relationship can be deeply painful and destructive. The light will constantly focus on areas that we need to work on and mostly the parts of us that need to heal.”

I actually do not know what step to take but I guess I’ll let it be… thy will be done.

Work makes me lose my mind.

My life is still revolving on shades of gray.

I have this feeling that I am about to have some of my prayers answered.

I want to start my BER months in a more positive note. Let’s do this!!!!

Note to self:

 
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Posted by on September 1, 2015 in 25, journal, life

 

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06/23 – Day 213: Travel Dreams

I can’t help but to dream.
I always dream of going to strange places.
I always wander off to paradise or to musky forests of no where.
I always been on the go to places that I never heard.
It seems that my soul wants to travel… to get lost and find myself once again.

 
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Posted by on July 5, 2012 in hobby, life, travel

 

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