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Why I Pray.

Why I Pray.

I have never been a religious person nor I was born in a family who is a devotee of patron saints. I am raised inside a household of people who believes in God but never actually cared much of going to church on Sunday. They think it’s hypocrisy to go just for the sake of going and my mother cringes with the thought of sharing casual conversation with her Amigas who’ll just brag about their new stuff. Enough of the why-I-do-not-go-to-church rants.

I believe in God.

I believe that my life is governed by a Supreme Being whose love for me is indispensable. I exist because deep inside my tormented soul is a fainted light of hope. A light that was lit up by experiences that made sense through the years. These are events that made me who I am today and some are unexplainable which I usually call a blessing. I questioned God’s will several times given that success will not be always easy for me. 

I’ve got too much to be thankful for this year. A lot has changed even the way I see my life so far. It’s never perfect, full of dramas, depression demons and misfortunes but my faith stood still. I never ceased at believing on his divine presence and for unexplainable reasons he made me feel better each time I cried my way to sleep. I asked myself what did I do to deserve all these frustrations, a product of an intoxicated mind and broken heart. Time didn’t heal me, it was my faith that everything will pass that made me survived. 

In my heart I believe in the magic of Christmas. I believe that all the events in our lives are part of a grander plan that will shape us to be a better version of ourselves. I believe that our faith will determine how resilient we are in facing our battles. God will always bless us if we let go and accept what’s in store for us. It’s about doing good no matter what life throws at our lives. Keep going with a strong faith that everything will be better soon. Today I pray not for myself but for all the people of value in my life. I pray to keep them safe and that we’ll have more years together especially to my mother who I love the most. 

I pray for peace for those whose hearts are at war. I pray for courage. I pray for love to stay in our hearts and that we continue to be someone who’ll restore someone’s faith in humanity. I will continue to pray because it makes me feel better and secured at all times. Let go of the pain and accept his grace in our hearts.  Take a 60 seconds  pause tonight and thank God for blessing your life.

Merry Christmas! 😘

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Posted by on December 25, 2017 in personal

 

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Dear Future Love

Sometimes I wonder how it feels to love and be love in return. I decided to write my future love a letter as I start to daydream my future lovelife. This idea is actually no longer original because you get to see some letters like these in the internet. Oh well. Without further ado, here’s my version of it.

Dear Future Love,

How are you? 

I do not know if I met you already or our meetup is yet to be but I want you to know that I am longing to meet you. I am so eager to know who this guy will be. Despite of me being too negative on love, I would admit that I still long for a happy ending. I hope you will understand me for being such a cold hearted person and too guarded, it is not because I am mean, strong and ruthless but it is because I have given my all to people who did not bother to love me as much as I love them. I need to protect myself.

I hope you are different.

I hope you will get to know me more and not settle on what you are seeing. I assure you I am more than that. I am not intimidating. I am not serious. I am definitely crazy. I hope you won’t go away after seeing me in my depressed state because you cannot handle an emotional woman. I hope you will see me more than the image I project. I am not strong and independent all the time. I want someone to take care of me when I start to get tired of my life. I am also vulnerable. I just need to guard myself from the wrong people and I hope you won’t give up after we first meet. I have been through a lot of emotional rollercoaster rides and I cannot afford to be broken anymore. 

I hope during my dark days, you will hold my hand and tell me that we will both fight my demons. You will listen to all of my whines and bear my closed mindedness during this time. You will let me have my own personal space when I need more time alone because people like me needs space once in a while. I need to go somewhere alone to refresh my mind and to feel that I am alive. If you like to travel, we can go to beautiful places and create great memories. If you are not outgoing, then we can read books on rainy afternoons while sipping chamomile tea and smiling at each other across the sofa. I can be the best of both worlds, my love. Perks of being an ambivert. 

You should not be perfect. I do not require you to be handsome despite my inner desire to have beautiful children. I only require you to be patient and open. I want you to share your thoughts. I want you to tell me everything that bothers you. I want to be with you in everything because a relationship is not about who is the better partner, it is about outgrowing your fears and insecurities together. It is about complementing and bringing the best out of each other. Relationship without growth is pointless, it should be a never ending learning process and self discovery. It is about having someone who will inspire you to live because life with him is worth living. You are worth living future love. I will live today because I am too excited to realize everything written here with you. I am dying to meet you. I am dying for God’s perfect timing. I hope we will realize it too soon.

I do not know who you are, what your job is and your background right now but I hope I will fall for your mind.  I am always attracted to people who are smart, humble and kind. I do not know how we will start our relationship but I hope it will be magical. All my life I wanted to give myself to someone who actually understands me and I hope I will know that you are the one. Butterflies. You give me butterflies… tons and tons of butterflies inside my stomach. 

There will be arguments once in a while but I hope it won’t last for days. I promise to lower my pride and weigh everything. I will apologize if I get to hurt you. I want us to meet halfway all the time especially in making decisions. It needs to be beneficial for both of us and if not then it should be the lesser evil. I want us to be partners in everything. In our relationship, communication is essential.

I do not know if you are fat or not but since I wanted to be healthy this time, I hope to walk or jog with you. I want us to watch sunrises together while I might be dragging you to stand up because you are too exhausted to move or maybe I will be catching up my breath because damn you run so fast. I hope those little things will keep us together. I hope you will look forward each day to see me because we will be doing something fun. Our relationship should be full of laughters and banters. We should stop the social media fuzz because we hate to feed people something or if you are the type who likes to post a lot then probably I should live with it but please no PDA on Facebook. So uncool.

I want our relationship to be intimate and private. I want us to make our relationship work. I still do not know if I will end up marrying you but I really hope so. I am the type of woman who’s in for a lifetime commitment. I won’t force you to marry me but I hope we will see the value of what we have right now and we will decide someday if we are ready to the next level. Let us talk things out. 

You see I am also not the intimate kind of girl. I am pretty much awkward on a lot of things. I have no idea if our first kiss will be romantic as I can already foresee that it might be funny or awkward. If you are the experienced one then guide me through because everything will be new to me but if you are not, good luck to us. I do not know if I am also ready to give my all to you but I hope you will understand if I say no. It is not because of you, it might be because I am just too scared. I do not know but I hope you will help me out and I really hope there are no alcoholic drinks involved. Good luck to us, again. I hope it will be memorable each time we do it but I hope too that our relationship is not governed by lust but by respect towards each other. It might be too ideal but I hope to get married first before I give you my all. 

I do not know if you like works of art and poetry but if you do I hope we can write together. If not, I hope you will watch me with sheer fascination as I write while you sip your coffee. I hope you will not judge my works and grammar slips instead correct me and share your ideas. With you my love, I will listen intently to whatever advice you have. 

I hope to meet you soon. I want to caress your head whenever you feel the tension. I want to hold your hands too tight when you are nervous and tell you that everything will be alright. I want to exchange glances if we see something odd or funny and then smile. I hope we keep on reading each other’s minds. I hope you will sneak from behind and hug me very tight. I hope you will continue to give me the hope I need to continue living because life with you is so much better. I hope what we have will last forever.

Future love, I wish I will be able to marry you and if not I hope we will end up as friends. If we will end up together I want you to know this too… My life changed when I met you because you made me believe again. You made me alive. Before I met you love wrecked me several times but you changed it all. You told me that I am the best gift God gave you and you are the answered prayer I kept on praying for years. Now that I have you, I won’t let you go anymore because when I said yes to this relationship I bid goodbye to my old self and started to embrace my better version because it is shared with you.

God should also be the center of our relationship. Let us trust him more and be grateful that our paths crossed in God’s perfect time. 

I love you my future love. I love you so much.


XOXO,

Carol 😍



 
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Posted by on August 6, 2017 in personal

 

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Ain’t Skinny Love.

I looked at old blog posts trying to feel those words I used to write, but it didn’t trigger any response from my soul.  It is far most the strangest feeling I have felt for years – the dire need to write but no words can totally express what I really feel.  

It’s been a while since I sat quietly watching people live their lives. Few weeks ago I feel a little lonelier than the usual that eating alone makes me sad but today is a little bit different. I feel fine despite the gloomy weather and Ellie Goulding’s Your Song is consuming me inside. I guess I’m back to my old self except that I’m also pretty much bothered and amused of recent events in my life.  

The concept of skinny love has been in my system since that drunken moment of yesteryears and how I dread if it will happen again. It’s that kind of love that both parties care but just can’t find the courage to tell how much they love each other. It’s governed by fear of losing a beautiful friendship so you’ll stick to that read between the lines, think whatever you wanted to think kind of relationship. Sucks,  I  know.

I’m not good in detecting possible relationships unless of course they’ll tell me their intentions. Gone are those days when rainbows, unicorns and pixiedusts inspire me. I stopped assuming. I stopped believing. I stopped hoping that a prince will save me from my loneliness and show me that life’s too beautiful if shared with the one you love. I became too much of a realist and dealing with that side of myself is torture. I became Maleficent like, still cares for Aurora but won’t show signs of any vulnerability. Tears are for the weak. It destroyed all the tinge of positivity in my soul. It made me stone cold.  I was so dysfunctional with a strong belief that I’m not worth it all. I felt unloved and so undeserving of a pure heart. My mind is such a fucked up place so as my soul. 

I have this guy friend who recently told me that I’m being too hard towards myself. Sometimes ideas overflow when alcohol is dominating our system and that drunken conversation despite the blurry feels actually got stuck in my mind. Maybe I am not that bad.  Maybe I deserve to fall in love again and pretty much puzzled those broken pieces of my China heart.  Maybe… just maybe. Maybe this time I can straighten things out and start all over again. Maybe I started to care and that scares me for it can be a beginning of something else. Am I feeling something?  Yes.  There might be butterflies but it didn’t run amuck inside. It’s not even love. It’s something new and I can’t even define it. It’s there but it’s not where my life revolves. It’s there, it exists and I acknowledged it but what’s that feeling  then?

I don’t feel like dying today unlike those days when I wish loneliness was never a feeling people feel. It’s like a regular kind of day when I wish to fast forward it to my soon to be best days. I made stupid decisions — what else is new?  I wanted to save more money to fulfill my wants and probably it can buy me experience that will make me sort out my life. Bottom line, I’m still fucked up as of this writing despite the will to change my life course. 

I started to over think my reactions and tried to over think more of what’s going on. I started to panic when a friend told me that I’m so dense not to see that my closest friend right now is into me. I don’t believe it at first until I started to rehash everything from day one.  It’s not that easy as it seems especially if we’re talking about feelings.  It’s complicated because he’s in a relationship. I hate it when people suggest and you tend to think about it until confusion starts.  I  got confused I must admit but I went back to the time when I used to feel the magic. The stone cold heart I have started to warm up but all of the things I’m feeling is all new.  It’s not what I’ve felt before so it’s harder to define and it’s something I cannot explain. 

People come into our lives for a reason, some may go fast and some choose to imprint our souls. Maybe the recent things happened for me to feel a little bit more of a human being. I feel better, wiser and stronger. I may have been confused and partly swayed by the thoughts but I know for sure that I don’t deserve to be just anyone’s third party and that I too deserve to be happy in God’s perfect time.  All I need is to be honest on everything that I feel and instead of escaping, it would be better to face it no matter how painful the results can be. Life is all about perfect timing and I might need to ask for more patience to wait and just enjoy what I have as of the moment. 

And to that friend of mine who I love to tease, thanks for being one of the person whom I know will always have my back no matter what.  I’ll stick to what I said, I won’t be another skinny lover who’s afraid to tell the world of what she feels.  If that time comes you’ll be the first to know.  For now, I’m happy of our friendship and thanks for doing an extra mile of saving it when I’ve decided to not bother at all. 

Life comes with extra feels and sometimes you just let life be life and not expect too much because what’s meant to happen will happen whether we like it or not. 

Learn, always.  

Never stick to a skinny kind of love when you can put your heart on your sleeve and love fully. 

We all deserve love, in time. 

 
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Posted by on July 5, 2017 in personal

 

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Different Being.

I stared blankly to empty spaces wondering why. A lot of questions wrapped my happy bubble and I got intoxicated by my own thoughts. I never thought I’ll feel it again, losing faith in life… questioning my existence with nothing to hold on to anymore. I drafted my supposed to be blog post days ago but I cannot just finished it.Words won’t come out and the feeling of hopelessness is slowly killing me.

I was so happy last week. I never felt so free but after my recent vacation reality hit me so hard. I lost my phone’s memory with all my pictures and files gone to tech heaven. I was devastated. I don’t want to rehash how intoxicated I am with the negativities and realities I kept on running away from. Suicide ideation flooded the remaining piece of hope I had — here I am again, thinking of ending everything.

This time I did tell several people, not to stop me from actually doing it but probably have someone I can argue to. People who’ll know how crazy I can be; People who’ll probably think I’m a psychopath for putting up with unnecessary dramas knowing that some people are actually in worst case than I am but no I want them to know that depression is real and I’m trying to escape it but it’s haunting me. 

Last weekend I went out with friends and talked about it. They do understand my situation and would actually empathize.I didn’t feel any different after except of course that weird feeling of ripping yourself off to your friends who consider you as the life of the party. I am, I must say will always be but it’s just not that normal for me – to be seen crying hopelessly. It’s not normal to talk about depression and it’s not normal to share it with people but I did. I’m still not sure if I’ll be glad that I did.
Life still for me is a pointless journey. I still hate everything. I hate being smart. I hate loving people who can’t even see my worth. I hate my work because I need to cope up with people who tests my patience and can’t meet my expectations. I hate the world and all of its dramas. I simply hate it but what can I do about it? 

Perhaps, change my perspective.

When I shared what I’m up to with my closest friends, they now looked at me in ways I never imagined them to be. I can sense that they’re sad because I’m actually thinking of dying when the world has a lot to offer for me.I don’t see any hope at all with regard to my situation and trying to be strong is not an option or a necessity. It’s just a memory.

Maybe you’re wondering why I’m still blabbing if I wanted to die already. Well probably because I don’t know how to end it in a sophisticated way rather than jumping off a building or overdose myself. I just don’t know how to do it even if I wanted it. That is a tough problem I need to surpass. Geez. 

Going back to my life right now, I did something stupid. I booked myself to a tour package alone in Baler next month. My friend in Manila wants me to accompany him in Puerto Galera to unwind but I think it would be better for me to go alone. It gave me a certain thrill and I hold on to that excitement. Today I live because I know tomorrow has no guarantee but as long as I exist I can do something about it. 

Life surely knows how to play its trick. I questioned God again to the point of being blasphemous. I cursed him again for being so unfair to me even if I’m faithful to him. I tried to be a better person but God, he made me suffer and test me. He asked me to wait and wait and now to the point of me giving up. I believed that things will change and people too but it became a huge disappointment. My indecisiveness frustrated me for I still cannot think of a better career. I no longer assumed or believed in everything. I lose faith in the things I do and lastly I lose faith in life and all its aspects.

I sat here watching people live their lives. I watched how people look at their children in awe. I looked at the guard waiting for his shift to end. I looked at the taxi driver waiting for a passenger. I looked at the laughing girl wondering what’s her story behind and how I used to look at myself — positive, idealistic and full of hope.

Maybe I should be a little less hopeful this time. I should stop over analyzing things and let life happen as it bound to be. I sat here with a little faith that my fate will change.I’ll probably expect the worst in life.I’ll expect that I’ll be alone and that nobody will be strong enough to tell me how I’m meant in his life. I’ll expect that nothing great will happen in my work life despite the effort I exert to it. What do I get right now? Frustrations. It is so difficult to live in this world with an expectation that it’s easy if people see things the way I see it. Pretty much a boring world if that’s the case — no challenge and purely happiness.

I recalled how my friend looked at me, a look of pity and how I hate that feeling. All of my life I’m programmed to be the alpha. I have an image to maintain but I ripped off my mask to people I trust aside from my best friend. They saw how vulnerable I can be yet accepted me. I feel a bit better but still bothered. They assured me that they’ll be there for me but I know that this battle is better off alone. I know I’m not strong but I know that this might be just a phase.

I would want to look at today in the nearby future with proud thoughts and realizations that my recent past needs to happen because it will make me better and that it’s just a prelude to a life I’ve been waiting. Whatever.blah.blah.blah. I should stop being too hopeful. 

I don’t want to hope anymore but I can’t help it sometimes. Life’s a joke and the joke is currently on me.

Today, I rest my case.

Oh and lastly… in your eyes I found a tinge of hope; what we have is something that I can hold on to.

I just want something like this.
Good vibes. 🙂

 
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Posted by on February 27, 2017 in personal

 

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An Open Letter to Digong Duterte

I am just a nobody, part of the many who threw a pity party knowing you won today.

My heart is breaking while I’m writing this and I know you don’t care about me and my rants because again I’m a nobody.

I have ranted on several posts telling the world that I’m not going to support you and your endeavors because I am such an asshole, a disengaged Filipino who will criticize and find your flaws. You are not my president and will never be. The majority may have rooted for you because they are fools believing that you are the change they’ve wanted to see when in fact the change we need should have started within ourselves. I don’t expect you to give a damn about my blog right now for this is solely written to express my thoughts because I got this freedom. You got a good strategist with an aim to make people see that there’s something fishy going on and that we need the change in order to progress. I am not a 100% fan of the recent administration but since I voted for Aquino last presidential election I stood by my president’s side and believed each word he said, I no longer question some discrepancies not because I don’t care but because I felt the progress especially that I started to engage in stocks investment. I see more of the positives than the negatives compared to GMA’s administration with more jobs and a growing BPO industry where I’m at right now.  I was confident of his leadership, the kind of leadership I imbibed — transformational. Our economy boosted and performed better for the past years as seen in the Philippine Stock Exchange index. I commend the recent administration for doing what is need to be done to ensure economic progress. I am thankful for the great things and let the bad be areas for improvement as we are still a work in progress.

I am closed-minded, principled and stubborn individual. My pride does not easily accept defeat but I’m not going to be a scumbag to this government. I am just  the reason why this country is not where it supposed to be because I won’t be engaged to support you on all your endeavors. Digong, I am just one and I apologize if I am not impressed by your works. My opinions don’t matter for you’ve got millions of people behind your back and should be there for you especially when you fail to be the change they all wanted to see. You’re a foul-mouthed, rugged and no class person. You may have the credentials but you don’t have the right to insult other people, ambassadors and even our Pope for christsake! You are playing God. Yes, you are executing your plans and reinforcing the law but justice ain’t served well during your reign as Davao’s mayor.

Let me enumerate my reasons why I didn’t vote for you:

1).  Human Rights?  You Don’t Care Much.

On a national scale, your will to enforce the law may not work as much as it is a huge success in your city. If you violated the law, you’ll enforced it right there because you  don’t care much about rights of crime suspects and other Constitution-guaranteed rights.

You support extrajudicial killings and summary executions which are actually unconstitutional. You also admitted on one of your interviews about being associated to the Davao Death Squad.  Oh well.

2).The Threat of Revolutionary Government

I fear that your association with the NPA may create havoc instead of unity. With your strong affiliation towards them, I can smell chaos. I am not into a government that threatens peace and order. I am praying that this won’t end to a bloody regime because people will then again fight for freedom. I will fight for freedom Digong, because I know I am a responsible citizen and I don’t want to be caged by rules that would portend my rights.

3). Womanizer

Enough said.

4).  Snide Remarks

You always get away with it by delivering it in a way that it sounded more of a joke. I am not buying it Mayor as I am a master of sarcasm as well. What I cannot take are your comments about the Pope, the ambassadors from Mexico, and a challenge imposed to cut ties with Australia and USA. Can you just think what you’re supposed to say first? Please.

5). Personal Biases

I admit that my choice was influenced by my own personal biases. I hate your posture, the way you carry yourself in public and your proud demeanor. A typical leader for me should be prim and proper, somewhat presentable to the public. You are the complete opposite but since your the president I got to live with it.

Mayor, I pray for our country today. I am frustrated with the turnout not because you won but Miriam Defensor Santiago didn’t even make it to the top 3. She is one overqualified president supposed to be, a president we never had and will never be.

I voted for Mar Roxas because he had the platform and good track record. Geez.

I am sorry for being such an a**hole who will not support your plans but I challenge you to prove me wrong. Enlighten me that your administration is the hope that this nation needs without sacrificing people’s rights and our democracy. I am not into Federalism anymore as much as I’ve wanted it years ago for a lot of reasons. I want you to be the leader your supporters hoped for. I’ll be here doing my part as a good citizen of this country and in your end do everything as president of this “dying nation” as what some are expecting.

Regardless of my closed mindedness, I concede. You are now our president, sucks but I need to embrace such change. Don’t be a disappointment to those who believes in your prowess. I challenge you to prove me wrong and to destroy my biases.

Prove me wrong Mayor, prove me wrong. God bless the Philippines!  God bless us all.

 
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Posted by on May 11, 2016 in personal

 

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On Loneliness.

I’m starting to hate being 26 haunted by questions I actually don’t know the answer.

It’s been a while since the last time I write because I choose not to for a thousand reasons you rather not hear but today seems to be different. I heard that voice within me urging my soul to spill my thoughts and uncover my emotions. I guess it’s about time to write what I feel and what I’ve been up to — AGAIN.

Living in a world full of hopes and despair, I must say I’m getting numb each day. I’m irritated if family members start to ask me when I’ll be getting married or when do I plan to have a family of my own given that my mom is getting older and weaker. I get so stressed if they keep on insisting about family life when I don’t even have a boyfriend. God probably gets tired of listening to my daily prayers about finding the one and I’m almost about to give up.

Friends would tell me that the principles I believed in are too old school for women nowadays. Some would tease me if I was born during dinosaurs time. Geez. I know I’m not a prude neither a slut. I think I’m normal but other people find me difficult to understand when it comes to love. I lost a potential lover because he was intimidated by my intelligence and achievements.  To quote him: “She seems to be on a pedestal, her standards are too high.” that was just too awful. I can be tactless sometimes but for people to think I got high standards seem to be too much, I’m not too shallow not to love someone just because I think he’s not good enough for me. That boy was actually any girl’s ideal guy because he is good looking, kind and too nice. He was the perfect guy that got away because I’m such an ass and he just got intimidated.

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http://inspiring-pictures.com/post/137965184140/visit-inspiring-pictures-for-more-life-quotes

Anyways, I’m still single and about to get sick of people asking lame questions why I’m single, why not? 😒 I’m judged for being a reputation freak because all I care about is my reputation when in fact I don’t. I do whatever I want to do thanks for the confidence in myself that I earned each day. Acceptance indeed is the key to a better life.

I had embrace my solitude for I know life is just too short to waste on negative thoughts. I must admit I feel lonely because people expect you to settle down while I’m busy finding myself. I am still looking for a significant income rather than my significant other. I got diverse plans on my mind and settling down seems to be not a priority but having a boyfriend, perhaps.

There are days when I feel so empty. I know it’s been quite a while of being tough and carefree.  Contrary to what people see me, I’m a sucker of love from songs to poetry. I may find it uncool sometimes but having someone you can hug on a tough day is not bad. I long for that boy who will not just fill the void in my heart but someone who would actually complement me. He’ll make me feel the butterflies inside my stomach and inspire me to embrace my flaws each day. I don’t need someone to complete me for I’ve completed myself already.  He’ll smile upon hearing my scars for I’ve battled life victoriously. We’ll fight life’s battles, capture the world’s beauty and enjoy each other’s  company because together we’ll be great. I pray for that day, for me to find that boy who’ll cast all my fears away.

God knows how much I prayed. He knows how much I plead him for that someone. He knows when’s the right time for him to grant my wishes. I got plans but God’s plan is way better than mine. Who am I to doubt?

Again, I’m spending Monday in my room while my thoughts and emotions are overflowing. It’s that time of the year when I’m suffering from mental diarrhea — worst case.

Friends, don’t be sad of the choices you’ve made. People has all the words to say, they will judge you. You’ve got stained reputation and your character will be challenged but never fret especially if you know yourself. I came to an age wherein my past molded me into who I am today and I’ve proud of who I become. I’m proud that I’ve known myself too well and I feel complete today more than the other days of my life. No one can hurt me for I know my alphas and deltas. No one can try to destroy me for I made myself indestructible by criticisms. I know better today.

Loneliness haunt me sometimes especially on February but the feeling just passes by.  I get sad for I don’t have someone I can call on my own,  someone who’ll understand my madness and someone who’ll care for me as much as he loves himself. It’s a nasty feeling, toxic I must say but I know it will pass.  God has plans for me I should not rush.

I’ve let go of my feelings for someone close to me because I’m not the type who tells people how much I value them.  Years have gone so fast and he’s still the same.  I cannot continue to love someone who is lost. I need a complete man to complement the woman I become and I’m more than willing to wait.

I want someone who’ll tell me how much I impacted his life by my presence. I want someone who’ll tell me he’s happy that he met me. I am a woman who still believes that a man should make the first move (quite old school?  Yeah! ).

2015 was one hell of a year, a series of fortunate and unfortunate events. 2016, surprise me!  I’m so ready for you.

And here’s the soundtrack of my 2015…

https://open.spotify.com/track/6Vc5wAMmXdKIAM7WUoEb7N

It’s all over now for this year I have awaken. We’ll be just friends perhaps.

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I felt the loneliness crashing on me when I decided to let go but it’s the best gift I gave myself. What we have was uncertain, no one is brave enough to ask how much we cared for each other. I guess we’ll just be friends. I just got confused. I was too blinded because of you and I let my chances of finding the right one slip away if I continue to believe that what we have we’ll turn into something great. Anyways, you’ll always be the best I never had. 🙂

All is well, cheers for my 2016.

 
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Posted by on January 25, 2016 in Uncategorized

 

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My Give A Bag Of Hope Experience

I know that it’s been just minutes ago since my last blog entry but I guess I am so compelled to write my thoughts about my Give A Bag of Hope experience last July 6 after watching the video that my friend in Employee Engagement tagged me in Facebook.

Forgive me for being so overly dramatic as of the moment because I am so ugly crying here after watching the video. I hate my 3-am self because I tend to be so emotional. Yuck! 😦

Here’s the link by the way:

Maybe you guys are wondering what is the Give A Bag of Hope is all about. It is actually one way of Convergys to give back to our community by providing school supplies to elementary school students because the company values literacy which is necessary for us to have a brighter future as a nation.

Here’s the link of the #GiveABagofHope project that was launched to all Convergys sites last May 2015 ( another tear jerker) :

This project was really close to my heart that’s why I really joined the campaign and the school activation. I am a firm believer that an educated Filipino is surely a key to a better Philippines.It’s also my way to personally give back because I was able to finish my graduate studies through the aid of Convergys Educational Assistance Program.

Based on the data that was provided in the video, the company was able to give out 17,123 bags and that’s 17,123 students that we were able to change and empower to work on their dreams. While we are on the mission to change other people lives, we were also transformed throughout the experience. For every successful referral, for every salary deduction we pledged and for the school supplies we donated — it was meant for a greater cause. I hope other employees were moved as much as I was moved by this project. It is not just our corporate social responsibility, it is not just empowering our own selves but also helping those kids achieve their dreams. Cliche as it may sound but truly the youth is the hope of our nation.

Sharing some pictures I took during the school activation last July 6 at Bata Elementary School, Bacolod City:

The bag actually includes a note card where employees wrote their messages to the students.

Those genuine smiles and innocent thoughts surely made my heart melt. I love kids because they remind me how life was once simple and less complicated.

I got to say, my charm really works since I was able to build my own “love” team here by convincing everyone to pose with a heart sign. This picture really made me smile because one student actually told me that she does this to show her love. Heartwarming. 🙂

I ❤ my job here. 🙂

The students and teachers of Bata Elementary School.

Mark McMahon, our Give A Bag Of Hope Ambassador thanking our employees for their support and donations. He is actually a model turned into celebrity just recently. I must say he really has a good heart. I can feel his sincerity in helping out unlike others who just simply do it because they are paid to do it. You can really see that what he’s doing is simply out of passion and love for the kids. I wish him well though, that he may be successful in his showbiz career because he really  got what it takes. As I follow his Instagram account, I realized that he reminds me of myself sometimes because I too loves the beach, kids, dogs, cats, also a November kid and simply enjoys the chill life — he is soooo me.  I think we’ll be great friends. **winks**

HAHAHAHAHAHA a lot of employees went gaga over him while I went gaga after stalking him in IG a day after he left Bacolod. 😍

Mark with our operations managers and cluster heads.

Mark with the support team and the team leaders.

Mark with my awesome team! ( yeah, I know I am so biased!)

It sucks to admit but it’s just so damn hard to leave this bunch of crazies. I really enjoyed being part of our Employee Engagement team. 🙂

I guess I made my decision. I will no longer take the Organizational Development manager opening in one of the biggest sugar industry corporation in the country but instead endure my life as a Team Leader in the company that changed me into a more mature and empowered individual. I might need more years of experience in a supervisory and managerial position before I take the leap to a major career change. I know I have been a whiner and secretly ranting in my head how my life sucks and how my work sucks but actually it’s not the worst. I am actually blessed to have a decent job that pays my bills, a job that gives back to the less fortunate and a job that helps me transform other people’s lives. I think I am not ready to retire yet after my 5 years stint. I still have the patience to endure the pressure of hitting our client valued metrics in order to satisfy the expectations of our clients. When everything seems to be awful and tiring, I will just remind myself how awesome it is to be part of Employee Engagement which actually has the huge factor in my decision. I love my life as an EE champion and I am proud to be part of Convergys Bacolod Employee Engagement Team! 🙂

And lastly… I am also proud to be a Convergys Leader!

My Give A Bag Of Hope Experience really had a huge impact in my decision to stay. Let’s give it a shot until the year ends then we’ll try seeking for opportunities once again. I know, I know… I am such a hard-headed individual or should I say a coward because I won’t take that chance for a major life change. Nah, I am still young, so better yet enjoy the learning process! Peter Pan Complex ON! 🙂

 
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Posted by on September 7, 2015 in Uncategorized

 

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