After watching Jobs, a movie about the man whose vision I have
always adored I felt so empty. A rare feeling after watching an inspiring film supposed to be.
Steve Jobs. I love how his mind works and how he had changed the world. His brilliance is one of a kind, the kind I’m definitely envious of. Right now I’m in my room sulking in my bed thinking how my life is going so far. I would admit… I’m not happy with how I ended up to be.
I am a dreamer, an achiever and a go – getter. I hate comfort zones because I believed that there is no growth in staying that you learn to value what life is when you’re out there exploring. I love freedom. I like to go to places alone. I love solitude. I hunger for experiences that will change me. I am bound to be great but then again here I am…
I’ve been working since 2010 two months after I finished my degree in Computer Science, after winning my most-coveted Corps D’ Elite award for outstanding club president and after spending one school year working for our class yearbook. I was at my prime yet again … here I am.
I’m thankful to have a job in an industry I really despised back in college. Yes, the industry I used to hate is the one feeding me and my family, it pays my bills and so as my graduate school studies. I’m thankful, of course. This is the type of job I never aspired to be in. I don’t see myself for the rest of my freaking life assisting customers who don’t know how to fix their mobile applications and their home security. It melts my heart whenever my customer thanks me for a job well done but it doesn’t give me the happiness and fulfillment that I wanted. I love my team, my colleagues who became my close friends and mentors I’ve met who have seen my potentials. I know what I am capable of doing and what I’m doing right now is not even 20% of what I am made to be. It’s not using my talents and skills. It does not give me the GROWTH that I hungered since day one. What I get actually are fun memories, bullshits and values that can help me in the future.
Maybe you’re wondering why am I still here.
An only child has no better choice but to be an heir of her parent’s problems. I too am not a bad child who can just leave my mother alone just for her selfish dreams. I know how much my mom sacrificed for me during the days when we’re about to lose everything. A child born in luxury never understands what life is until she had nothing left. I never learn to value things until I had almost nothing… and rebuilding it is the hardest part.
I don’t know how to save the ship from sinking. I don’t know how to be a captain. What I know is that I’m bound to be great and all this crap is not part of it supposed to be. I am strayed away from the creative path I longed to travel. I’m strayed away from my corporate dreams… of drinking coffee while discussing our next project, of living the cosmopolitan life and of working in a creative environment where my works are commended and my leadership is recognized. A life that I’m bound to be…
Sometimes as I looked back of how hard I really worked for my degree and those awards I used to get I feel so sad of where I am right now. I am a prodigy, a child full of wonder, a person my nieces and nephews idolize… used to be full of potentials and dreams now a bum who loves to chill, who drinks a lot of coffee and beer and sleeps a lot. My life is slowly fading away from me… I no longer recognized myself. I am programmed to stay where I am because I have family issues to fix, my mother needs me and work financed my graduate school studies which by the way is my ticket to success.
I have no idea how I’ll ended up to be. I have no idea until when can I hold on. I’m like an animal trapped in a cage looking at the possibilities behind the bars that locked me out from being great. I cannot just go out and explore knowing that there are people who needs me. I cannot be selfish… I just can’t.
I don’t know what’s the moral story of my blog post. Maybe all I can really say right now is to trust God and his will. He has plans for us and where I am right now might be just a prelude into something better. I cannot just lose hope right now. I’m an optimist, I see great things on difficult situations. I know I’m bound to be great and it’s all about perfect timings. I’m in doldrums waiting for something to happen. I’ll enjoy this journey full of uncertainty… I’m getting older and older as time passes by so might as well live my life to the fullest that I can and whatever situation I’m at.
I’ll keep on knowing myself, my passion… my dreams because it will be my starting point to my road to greatness.