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Rants and Bottled Feelings.

My life seems to be so rudimentary that I usually know how to end and start it. It’s always a series of fortunate and unfortunate events and tests of faith that started way back when my innocence in life got stained by realities. I live a so-so life with pretty much nothing exciting to talk about except of course my rants about life, my work, love gone to heaven so as the fragments of my hope in humanity. Media made me hate those extremists whose causes I don’t actually get. Taxes that suck my hope in our government. Multiple work mails I need to reply. My chaotic mind with a lot of dreams yet still I’m stuck in my own comfort zone who pretty much sucks up my remaining hope in myself. Of course, I get paid but yeah — I still live beyond limits without using my full potential. 

It’s another day of rants so please forgive me.

My mind is such a terrible place to be in. Everyday I get to experience various weather like feels. Sometimes it’s sunny where I tend to have positive thoughts or days when my lurkers start to suck up all the positive ions and left me with undesirable thoughts that can be intoxicating sometimes. Today, I just feel like eating my favorite pie somewhere and talk about nonsense.

As I grow older, people come and people just go. Sometimes we all wish old friends will make time when you’re in dire need of someone but geez I’m not the Hannah Baker type who lashes out in mixtapes how my friends disappointed me big time. It’s just how it is. You just got to live life and be appreciative of people who remembers you and understand those who can’t make time. 


As I tried to be normal at home, I suddenly miss how rowdy it used to be. I missed watching news with my uncle and talk about it during dinner. Pepper is usually hyperactive so we both need to tone her down. Our cat who would just sit in our laps and my mom asking what the news is all about is the typical 6pm scene. Those sepia images of our life before daunted me while I’m drinking beer on a work day and instead of feeling sentimental, I felt surreal. 

I wonder what this home will be like couple of years from now. Will I be alone watching TV with popcorn, chips and beer because I rather be drunk than feel the misery? Will I be with my mom still and live like today? Will I be somewhere else wondering what have happened to our used to be home? The thoughts are too much to bear. I can’t live alone but I can’t leave… Either way it both sucks but I might need to plan everything out before it’s too late.

Work will still be something I need to do to live my wants. I am tired living the employee life and studying much on how to be a better entrepreneur. I need my mind to work and I need growth. I need a life away from the four corners of this corporate world.

I feel so dysfunctional. It’s not the usual routine 12 months ago but what I’m doing each day starts to feel so familiar. I don’t know how my heart functions today especially to the things it used to do or even feel. I started not to care about the world, not to hope, not to assume and not to feel. I’ve totally succumbed into the DGAF mindset. Everything seems to be driven by logic and reasons which pretty much bores me. I’m losing the substance of my own thoughts when I try to write about what I deeply feel — the unwritten chapters now bothering and it’s hard to express what my soul resonates. My mind dies as my heart passionately writes nothing. It’s the killer silence, the panacea of my being.

Until that day comes… 

End. 

 
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Posted by on June 7, 2017 in personal

 

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The Haunted. 

I woke up with a desire to write my thoughts and prayed that what I feel right now be my reason for living. 

As I squander my thoughts and forcing myself to remember my dreams, I came across a realization — I am still optimistic. It has been weeks of constant wondering and battling my recurring sadness. Depression is something not all people totally understand and I don’t seek to be understood. Some may wonder why people like us suffer from such when the world is actually cruel to others too. All of us have our own demons and we battle it one by one — some end up victorious and some are being dragged to darkness and lose it.  I’m somewhere in between. 

My life has always been in between extremes and I usually open my arms wide and scream to God to take it all away. I usually surrender before I lose the argument of why me of all the people in the world?  Life is such a tease and I’m at my wits end. 

You read articles about depression its causes and how we cope.  You can seek professional help or like my case I battled it alone because I fear to be judge like a psychopath. I don’t need medication, I need an outlet. I kept myself busy reading self-help books trying to find purpose in this life but as days pass by I still feel incomplete. Life is pointless and I don’t actually know why I am still living. I live a routine life, trying to break it once in a while yet all that I am and all that I did is just something dispensable. The world will survive without me. 

Depression for me is not just an illness but a state when you no longer find meaning in everything no matter how beautiful your life is in the eyes of others. You don’t know the battle we constantly face, you don’t know how it feels to live without a purpose. 

As I watch every sunset and sunrise, I long for that day when everything finally makes sense. I long for the day when I’m excited to wake up and live. Every day feels the same, I keep myself busy with work or hangout with great set of friends and I end up alone in my room thinking…  until when will I feel such emptiness? 

I write my thoughts hoping to inspire those who are battling or find people who suffered and survived. I wish not to die without feeling alive. People like me ain’t ordinary. You need to dig deeper, to meet my demons and play with them. I don’t open up to people not because I fear to be judged but because not all understand. I survived it before by not losing my faith and right now I’m breathing because I don’t have a better choice. I hope one day I’ll stumble upon answers to my questions. I hope to fill the cup of madness once again — to live my life like the way it was before adulthood happened,  a life when I’m not haunted by my thoughts and just plainly inspired of what the future may bring. 

 
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Posted by on March 13, 2017 in personal

 

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Different Being.

I stared blankly to empty spaces wondering why. A lot of questions wrapped my happy bubble and I got intoxicated by my own thoughts. I never thought I’ll feel it again, losing faith in life… questioning my existence with nothing to hold on to anymore. I drafted my supposed to be blog post days ago but I cannot just finished it.Words won’t come out and the feeling of hopelessness is slowly killing me.

I was so happy last week. I never felt so free but after my recent vacation reality hit me so hard. I lost my phone’s memory with all my pictures and files gone to tech heaven. I was devastated. I don’t want to rehash how intoxicated I am with the negativities and realities I kept on running away from. Suicide ideation flooded the remaining piece of hope I had — here I am again, thinking of ending everything.

This time I did tell several people, not to stop me from actually doing it but probably have someone I can argue to. People who’ll know how crazy I can be; People who’ll probably think I’m a psychopath for putting up with unnecessary dramas knowing that some people are actually in worst case than I am but no I want them to know that depression is real and I’m trying to escape it but it’s haunting me. 

Last weekend I went out with friends and talked about it. They do understand my situation and would actually empathize.I didn’t feel any different after except of course that weird feeling of ripping yourself off to your friends who consider you as the life of the party. I am, I must say will always be but it’s just not that normal for me – to be seen crying hopelessly. It’s not normal to talk about depression and it’s not normal to share it with people but I did. I’m still not sure if I’ll be glad that I did.
Life still for me is a pointless journey. I still hate everything. I hate being smart. I hate loving people who can’t even see my worth. I hate my work because I need to cope up with people who tests my patience and can’t meet my expectations. I hate the world and all of its dramas. I simply hate it but what can I do about it? 

Perhaps, change my perspective.

When I shared what I’m up to with my closest friends, they now looked at me in ways I never imagined them to be. I can sense that they’re sad because I’m actually thinking of dying when the world has a lot to offer for me.I don’t see any hope at all with regard to my situation and trying to be strong is not an option or a necessity. It’s just a memory.

Maybe you’re wondering why I’m still blabbing if I wanted to die already. Well probably because I don’t know how to end it in a sophisticated way rather than jumping off a building or overdose myself. I just don’t know how to do it even if I wanted it. That is a tough problem I need to surpass. Geez. 

Going back to my life right now, I did something stupid. I booked myself to a tour package alone in Baler next month. My friend in Manila wants me to accompany him in Puerto Galera to unwind but I think it would be better for me to go alone. It gave me a certain thrill and I hold on to that excitement. Today I live because I know tomorrow has no guarantee but as long as I exist I can do something about it. 

Life surely knows how to play its trick. I questioned God again to the point of being blasphemous. I cursed him again for being so unfair to me even if I’m faithful to him. I tried to be a better person but God, he made me suffer and test me. He asked me to wait and wait and now to the point of me giving up. I believed that things will change and people too but it became a huge disappointment. My indecisiveness frustrated me for I still cannot think of a better career. I no longer assumed or believed in everything. I lose faith in the things I do and lastly I lose faith in life and all its aspects.

I sat here watching people live their lives. I watched how people look at their children in awe. I looked at the guard waiting for his shift to end. I looked at the taxi driver waiting for a passenger. I looked at the laughing girl wondering what’s her story behind and how I used to look at myself — positive, idealistic and full of hope.

Maybe I should be a little less hopeful this time. I should stop over analyzing things and let life happen as it bound to be. I sat here with a little faith that my fate will change.I’ll probably expect the worst in life.I’ll expect that I’ll be alone and that nobody will be strong enough to tell me how I’m meant in his life. I’ll expect that nothing great will happen in my work life despite the effort I exert to it. What do I get right now? Frustrations. It is so difficult to live in this world with an expectation that it’s easy if people see things the way I see it. Pretty much a boring world if that’s the case — no challenge and purely happiness.

I recalled how my friend looked at me, a look of pity and how I hate that feeling. All of my life I’m programmed to be the alpha. I have an image to maintain but I ripped off my mask to people I trust aside from my best friend. They saw how vulnerable I can be yet accepted me. I feel a bit better but still bothered. They assured me that they’ll be there for me but I know that this battle is better off alone. I know I’m not strong but I know that this might be just a phase.

I would want to look at today in the nearby future with proud thoughts and realizations that my recent past needs to happen because it will make me better and that it’s just a prelude to a life I’ve been waiting. Whatever.blah.blah.blah. I should stop being too hopeful. 

I don’t want to hope anymore but I can’t help it sometimes. Life’s a joke and the joke is currently on me.

Today, I rest my case.

Oh and lastly… in your eyes I found a tinge of hope; what we have is something that I can hold on to.

I just want something like this.
Good vibes. 🙂

 
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Posted by on February 27, 2017 in personal

 

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2016 : In Text and Photos

The year that was and the year that will be…

2016 is not the best year but it’s a year full of new beginnings and bittersweet endings. I’ve written my frustrations and unanswered prayers in my previous blog posts and I won’t rehash it anymore.

December of last year, I decided not to expect much on what 2016 can actually bring into my life. I promised myself to be more open-minded and just let life happen.

I made 2016 my travel year and indeed I got what I wanted — memories and experiences that made me realized how beautiful life can actually be. I went to places I’ve never been to and created new memories from the places I’ve been to before.

In 2017, I want a monthly travel plan like what I tried to achieve last year.

February 

  • Iloilo City day trip

March

  •  Church, Cebu
  • Cagayan de Oro 
  • Bukidnon
  • Misamis Oriental 

April

  • Boracay Island

May

  • Bantayan Island,Cebu

August

  • Kapurpurawan Rock Formation
  • Patapat Viaduct
  • Pagudpud
  • Laoag
  • Vigan 
  • Cordillera 
  • Baguio City
  • Tagaytay 

September 

  • La Carlota City

October 

  • Puka Beach, Boracay 

November 

  • Gary’s Punong, Silay City
  • Dumaguete City

December 

  • Don Salvador Benedicto 

Oh… the places I will go!

2016 taught me to embrace change and I had a surprise of my life when I got transferred to another program. It was one hell of an emotional rollercoaster but I’m glad that I was able to adjust. New team and new colleagues, I’m back to where I’ve started and it’s starting to feel like home.

I failed my 2016 goal but being top team for FCR last Q3 is not bad. A reminder that I don’t totally get what I usually want, TOP TEAM.  I remembered how my ASNP life was, great times with lots of achievements and recognitions. Oh well, I guess I’m simply glad that I met new bunch of people who became a great part of my 2016. 

I got new set of friends this year but still having great times with the old ones.

I’ve been to a lot of events for the first time.

  • Lights of Bago 2016
  • Boom: Music fest 
  • Boyce Avenue Concert
  • Tito Nonoy’s wake
  • RTNHS alumni homecoming 
  • Laboracay 2016
  • Site Recognitions 
  • Birthday Parties 
  • Give a Bag of Hope 2
  • Masskara Festival 
  • Random meet ups and get together
  • Empire : CVG Christmas Party 
  • HSD Gift Giving 

    It’s my first to open a passbook savings account and bought an insurance for myself. This is to ensure my future and be financially independent moving forward.

    Now, despite me going to the gym for the first time last October to be stronger and to shed off some excess fats I still cannot help but indulge myself to new restaurants and café.

    Top 10 favorite places to dine and chill

    • Starbucks
    • Vikings
    • Merkado 
    • Miren Café 
    • Manhattan’s Fleet Gastropub
    • Bob’s Café
    • Delicioso 
    • Bascon Café 
    • Calea 
    • Cantina Mondo 

    Food trippin’

    I am a food junkie who loves to eat and chill.

    Coffee and Alcohol 

    always been my refuge since my mind and heart usually have irreconcilable differences. 

    And vanity continues this 2017…

    9 Best Selfie moments!!! 😂

    Ain’t tired of my face… thank God for the gift of youthfulness. 😂

    I let God take the driver’s seat. I won’t push him anymore to grant my heart’s desires for I know that all good things come to those who wait. I won’t sulk for all the unanswered prayers. I won’t punish myself for the mistakes I did. I won’t live my life with regrets. I will stop holding on to people who doesn’t take an extra mile to be there for me and to show how important I am. I will not settle for less than I deserve just because I don’t have an option. I will stop having too much faith in humanity for it’ll just be another disappointing memory to bear. I will keep on controlling the beast in me because I know how asshole I can be. I should know better and be the bigger person no matter what. I won’t let my anger control me because it’ll end up with something I’ll just regret. I hope I’ll still be more motivated to write and let people know my other side. I hope to inspire others through my words and lastly, I hope to find the incomplete pieces of my life’s puzzle. The blank spaces haunt me, wanting to be filled soon.

    I don’t expect much for 2017. I’ll just embrace it as it unfolds another chapter of my life. Whatever happens whether it’ll turn out to be great or not I know for sure that it will make me a better person. I know I’ll be frustrated again, probably shed buckets of tears or worst encounter another heartbreaking moment. I’ll take whatever God’s challenge will be, as if I have a better choice. Anyways, I choose to chill and I will keep on choosing things and people that will make me happy. Life’s short as they say so why choose to suffer?

     Live and let go for life is meant to be experienced and discovered. Hey 2017, what’s up? I’m definitely ready for you.

    XOXO,

    Carol  😘

     

     
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    Posted by on January 1, 2017 in adventures, art, food, personal, travel, writing

     

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    An Open Letter to Digong Duterte

    I am just a nobody, part of the many who threw a pity party knowing you won today.

    My heart is breaking while I’m writing this and I know you don’t care about me and my rants because again I’m a nobody.

    I have ranted on several posts telling the world that I’m not going to support you and your endeavors because I am such an asshole, a disengaged Filipino who will criticize and find your flaws. You are not my president and will never be. The majority may have rooted for you because they are fools believing that you are the change they’ve wanted to see when in fact the change we need should have started within ourselves. I don’t expect you to give a damn about my blog right now for this is solely written to express my thoughts because I got this freedom. You got a good strategist with an aim to make people see that there’s something fishy going on and that we need the change in order to progress. I am not a 100% fan of the recent administration but since I voted for Aquino last presidential election I stood by my president’s side and believed each word he said, I no longer question some discrepancies not because I don’t care but because I felt the progress especially that I started to engage in stocks investment. I see more of the positives than the negatives compared to GMA’s administration with more jobs and a growing BPO industry where I’m at right now.  I was confident of his leadership, the kind of leadership I imbibed — transformational. Our economy boosted and performed better for the past years as seen in the Philippine Stock Exchange index. I commend the recent administration for doing what is need to be done to ensure economic progress. I am thankful for the great things and let the bad be areas for improvement as we are still a work in progress.

    I am closed-minded, principled and stubborn individual. My pride does not easily accept defeat but I’m not going to be a scumbag to this government. I am just  the reason why this country is not where it supposed to be because I won’t be engaged to support you on all your endeavors. Digong, I am just one and I apologize if I am not impressed by your works. My opinions don’t matter for you’ve got millions of people behind your back and should be there for you especially when you fail to be the change they all wanted to see. You’re a foul-mouthed, rugged and no class person. You may have the credentials but you don’t have the right to insult other people, ambassadors and even our Pope for christsake! You are playing God. Yes, you are executing your plans and reinforcing the law but justice ain’t served well during your reign as Davao’s mayor.

    Let me enumerate my reasons why I didn’t vote for you:

    1).  Human Rights?  You Don’t Care Much.

    On a national scale, your will to enforce the law may not work as much as it is a huge success in your city. If you violated the law, you’ll enforced it right there because you  don’t care much about rights of crime suspects and other Constitution-guaranteed rights.

    You support extrajudicial killings and summary executions which are actually unconstitutional. You also admitted on one of your interviews about being associated to the Davao Death Squad.  Oh well.

    2).The Threat of Revolutionary Government

    I fear that your association with the NPA may create havoc instead of unity. With your strong affiliation towards them, I can smell chaos. I am not into a government that threatens peace and order. I am praying that this won’t end to a bloody regime because people will then again fight for freedom. I will fight for freedom Digong, because I know I am a responsible citizen and I don’t want to be caged by rules that would portend my rights.

    3). Womanizer

    Enough said.

    4).  Snide Remarks

    You always get away with it by delivering it in a way that it sounded more of a joke. I am not buying it Mayor as I am a master of sarcasm as well. What I cannot take are your comments about the Pope, the ambassadors from Mexico, and a challenge imposed to cut ties with Australia and USA. Can you just think what you’re supposed to say first? Please.

    5). Personal Biases

    I admit that my choice was influenced by my own personal biases. I hate your posture, the way you carry yourself in public and your proud demeanor. A typical leader for me should be prim and proper, somewhat presentable to the public. You are the complete opposite but since your the president I got to live with it.

    Mayor, I pray for our country today. I am frustrated with the turnout not because you won but Miriam Defensor Santiago didn’t even make it to the top 3. She is one overqualified president supposed to be, a president we never had and will never be.

    I voted for Mar Roxas because he had the platform and good track record. Geez.

    I am sorry for being such an a**hole who will not support your plans but I challenge you to prove me wrong. Enlighten me that your administration is the hope that this nation needs without sacrificing people’s rights and our democracy. I am not into Federalism anymore as much as I’ve wanted it years ago for a lot of reasons. I want you to be the leader your supporters hoped for. I’ll be here doing my part as a good citizen of this country and in your end do everything as president of this “dying nation” as what some are expecting.

    Regardless of my closed mindedness, I concede. You are now our president, sucks but I need to embrace such change. Don’t be a disappointment to those who believes in your prowess. I challenge you to prove me wrong and to destroy my biases.

    Prove me wrong Mayor, prove me wrong. God bless the Philippines!  God bless us all.

     
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    Posted by on May 11, 2016 in personal

     

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    Laboracay: Unleashed.

    Technology failed and deleted all I’ve blogged about Laboracay!!! Fudge!

    Let me do it all over again. Oh well.

    Laboracay is a series of events that happen during Labor Day weekend in Boracay island. Highlights happen on weekend and there’s a lot of things to do and enjoy aside from raving the night away. Well, Laboracay is every partyphiles haven for there’s a lot of parties to choose from.

    Boracay island is my paradise as it suits my personality too well. It feeds my extrovert side its need to party the night away and meet people and at the same time gives me the space to be alone and enjoy its magnificent clear waters. I thank Mother Nature for its sheer beauty and indeed this is one summer to remember. This vacation is what I really need — A BREAK. I don’t want to sound too selfish but I’m getting tired of my work and caring for my aging mother that I just want to escape for a bit and let life happen. Let me rehash again my short stay in paradise and I hope you’ll be inspired and decide not to waste your life by just working. Life’s too short, enjoy!

    Day 1: Arrival

    After work, I went straight to Bacolod wharf. There’s a lot of ways to reach Boracay from Bacolod and we decided to go on a land trip via Bacolod – Iloilo – Caticlan route. Fare from Bacolod to Iloilo via Weesam Express costs 245php for Tourist class. I can’t help but daydream the beautiful island I’m bound for.

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    After an hour travel, we rode a van going to Caticlan for 400php.

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    We had several stop overs causing the 4.5 hour trip to 5.5 hours. I was dead tired and hungry.

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    We arrived in Caticlan around 4pm. You need to pay 25php for the boat fare to reach the island plus the 100php terminal fee and 75php environmental fee. Upon reaching the island there are trikes available for you to rent.

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    We stayed in YCL hotel located in the main road. I freshen up and decided to catch the sun before it sets.

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    After strolling White Beach, we decided to go to D’Mall and find a good place to feed our famished selves. We had dinner at Smokes and enjoyed their Fish Curry and Stuffed Squid at 160php. It was worth it and tastes good. We then decided to go back to the hotel and rest before we start partying. We even watched James Reid and Nadine Lustre’s Talk Back and You’re Dead movie in Cinema One.

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    We went straight to Solar One Solarized Party because most people are there that night. Our first choice was actually Epic but there’s only few people inside probably because the night is still young.

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    The crowd suddenly gets rowdy so we decided to hit Club Summerplace where there’s a White Party and Magic DJs hitting the turntables.

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    We head off to Epic after midnight and there’s a lot of people raving this time.

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    We went home past 3am bought water and food at Mini-Stop. It was really a fun night. Our hotel room neighbor even said “take a good night rest”. I think he’s drunk and I got to admit he was hot. 😂

    Day 2: MNL Hostel

    We woke up around 8am and ate our complimentary breakfast at Charlie’s our hotel’s restaurant. We choose American style breakfast to feed our hungry souls before we decide to hit White Beach and swim.

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    Before checking out we decided to swim and enjoy Boracay’s blue waters.

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    We need to transfer hotel because YCL is already fully booked for the weekend. We then transferred to MNL hostel situated near Bulabog Beach which is approximately 10 minutes away from White Beach. We stayed in a 6-bunk bed dormitory room with common shower and comfort room. I am not used to live with strangers but I gave it a shot for experience purposes but after what I went through I decided not to stay in hostels with strangers moving forward. MNL is actually a good place to stay.

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    Rooftop deck is so chill.

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    I got no choice but stayed on the second level bunk bed. I liked it in a way because I got privacy.

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    After lunch we decided to stroll White Beach and meet some friends in Sur Resort where Summer Hangover party is about to start.

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    My mandatory island selfie. 😂😂😂
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    Happy hour started at 2pm and of course it’s Blue Hawaiian time!

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    After happy hour we decided to eat at TGI Fridays and indulge ourselves with Pork Liempo and Chicken Bites while watching the sun as it slowly sets. I must say Boracay is one island that makes the sun so beautiful as it slowly bids goodbye to the horizon.

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    After early dinner we decided to freshen up and hit various parties again. I actually sleep while my other friends are partying because I’m dead tired with all the walking but of course I didn’t miss the party. I woke up 11pm after 3-hour sleep and went to Epic to party!

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    Some friends are already tipsy so they decided to go home around 3am while me and my friend decided to enjoy the beach at around 5am and let the sound of the waves cure our grogginess.

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    We had breakfast at McDonald’s and I still didn’t go home yet. I went to Bulabog Beach to catch the sun as it rises and thank God for this trip.

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    Day 3: Party. Party. Party!

    I woke up around noon and decided to eat somewhere near and swim again. We need to make most of our trip. We had lunch at Shakey’s and had their combo platter. Yes, carbo loading at its best.

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    After meal, we decided to enjoy the beach again and waited for the sun to set.

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    Bora boys fashion statement be like… sando shirt at the back.

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    After swimming we chilled at Jonah’s and enjoyed their banana-choco shake for 140php. It’s so worth it. We also witnessed an engagement proposal.

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    We head home to unwind for a bit and get ready for another round of partying. Luck played its toll on us when the transformer suddenly sparked probably due to the heat. I was inside the shower when my friend rushed in telling me that there’s an explosion outside. I was horrified because I thought the hostel is already on fire especially that we are advised to vacate our rooms asap. I am drenched and I can even smell the conditioner on my hair. I even jumped from my bed due to adrenaline kick.

    It was so crazy, I am party enraged and anxious all at the same time.

    Fire’s out and we’re back in our rooms dumbfounded on what just happened but indeed grateful that no one was harmed. We head back to Sur and enjoy the night away.

    We were sad as we’re not able to party at Zoukout. It was one of our regrets and vowed not to miss it next year.

    Day 4: Separation Anxiety

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    Boracay is such a beautiful place. I am so inlove. It’s breathtaking views and blue waters, the sunset, the food, the night life and the people are just one of the few that made my stay memorable. I am blessed to have this life and it made me realized that I’m more into writing, blogging my thoughts and capturing the world’s beauty through photography.

    I spent my morning reflecting for minutes if this is indeed the life I deserve. I enjoyed feeling the powdery sand on my feet.

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    Separation anxiety hits me so bad. There’s too much to love in this island aside from its pristine waters and scenic views.

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    Laboracay is not what others think it is. It’s more than wild parties, booze, drugs, trash and one night stand. I am a witness of how wild the crowd can be but if you are in for clean fun and knows your limits you’ll definitely enjoy and not regret anything. Self-control is necessary if you don’t want to screw yourself for the rest of your life. What happens in Boracay should not just stay in Boracay. It is meant to be preach and let others die with envy that for once in our life you need to feel the beat of the music, let loose and enjoy. Life is too short for you to waste, LIVE.

    I am a chill kid, I rather be poor than be rich without a good story to tell. I am freedom and madness, a mixture of peace and chaos!

    Until the next Laboracay experience…

    … countdown begins now. 😘

     
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    Posted by on May 3, 2016 in personal

     

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    Simala Church: Wishes Do Come True

    “Have you ever thought of someone like you’ve never thought of someone before?

    During my recent trip, I decided to actually find myself and get connected on what my inner voice is saying.  I’ve been blinded for quite some time trying to push on some things that are not even working out and I’m talking not just about relationships but career as well. I’ve been out of tune for quite some time and still in search of life’s great meaning. So I went to Simala Church, one of the most miraculous churches in the country wherein most of those who believe got their wishes come true. I must say that I’m not really a devotee nor religious. I can describe myself as someone who believes in a Supreme Being but not a total fan of Christian traditions. I don’t even read all chapters in the bible. I just believe in God and in goodness to others. To cut the long story short, I decided to take my chances in Simala. I need divine intervention to sort my chaotic life. I know I needed this trip.

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    Last March 12, I flew to Cebu and rushed to the South Cebu Terminal to catch the bus going to Sibonga where Simala Shrine is located.  Fare costs at around P63 if I recall it perfectly for an air-conditioned bus. It’s a 2-hour and a half trip where I get the chance to use Google maps for the first time. I am a bit alarmed since the church is only open until 6pm and I was on the bus at 3pm due to heavy traffic from Mactan Airport to the bus terminal.

    I am glad that I was able to arrived in the nick of time. Habal habals are available on the main road and they’ll be the ones to take you to the shrine for 20 pesos. It was a perfect time for me to contemplate especially that the shrine is so beautiful at dusk.

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    I lit my colored candles for a specific purpose and prayed.

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    I lit 5 candles because I know I needed it.

    Black ( for souls ):  My uncle recently died during my mom’s birthday and I am surprised at the same time saddened of his death.  He is really funny and very nice to me. I love him so much.

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    I also prayed for my other uncle who died last November. I asked for forgiveness since I was not able to provide him all he wants. I am still starting to save up for my future and been into a lot of financial problems due to family matters that I need to resolve.

    Green (prosperity ):  I wanted to be financially stable and start to work on my future. I know I needed this to provide my family’s wants.

    Gold (health): I prayed for my mom’s health to be better as I want her to still see her future grandchild. I must admit I’m not into getting married as of the moment but I wanted my mom to at least be able to see me stable and raise a family I can call my own.

    White ( Guidance ): My life seems to be pointing nowhere and until now I don’t know how to deal with it. I’m starting to give up and surrender the steering wheel to God for I am headed into damnation. It’s been like this for years already.

    Red ( Love ) : Being single starts to be uncomfortable at this age. I’m starting to question my own worth, my personality and the likes. It’s exasperating to keep on thinking what I need to change in order to attract someone. I’ve keep on praying and wishing that someone will see me more than a friend but God keeps on denying those prayers. It’s been years full of false hopes but still nothing. I start asking myself why, why am I not worth the words?  Am I not good enough?  The belief I have on myself has been clouded with uncertainties. I questioned my being. I started to feel the blues plus the fear of growing up alone. I decided to surrender this time, to lay my hopes unto God’s feet and let him decide on what’s best for me. I prayed to find him, the one who’ll make me believe that it’s okay to love and be love.

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    It is one perfect view to indulge into while my thoughts drift into nothingness. Various thoughts were clouding my mind and I just let it happen, I let those thoughts overflow because I know it’s my needed break.

    Travelling back to Cebu City made me feel fulfilled because I was able to go to Simala alone. It’s true that in order for us to connect we must disconnect for the mean time.

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    Travelling alone gives you the chance to know more about yourself, it makes you feel so independent and brave. It’s a tough act to follow and I want to experience it all over again. I never trusted myself that much for quite some time due to fear that I might get lost.

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    It’s a chaotic world we got here and I realized that I should slow down and feel all the adventures as well as my misadventures. I should be positive and trust God for he knows what is best for me.

    For now, I give up. I’ll let him take the lead.

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    I never thought of someone as much as I’ve thought of someone right now. Is he the one?  I hope so.

     
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    Posted by on March 22, 2016 in personal, travel

     

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