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What If?

14 Sep

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Pic from: http://www.bustle.com/articles/36391-17-of-the-most-romantic-if-i-stay-quotes-we-need-to-see-in-the-film/image/36391

While watching If I Stay, I felt my heart being squeezed multiple times. I am sad on what have happened to the almost perfect family. Rarely can we find a family who’s so cool and chill, rarely can we find a complete family living happily in this modern world and rarely can we find a family who goes out for road trips just to have quality time together. No matter how beautiful things can be in this world shit really do happens, all of a sudden we find our lives twisted by fate. Everything becomes too different and we have no other choice but to accept no matter how great or painful that change can be.

We are all victims of fate, of chances, of choices, of circumstances…

I understood all that in my head, but I still didn’t believe it in my heart.”
Gayle Forman, If I Stay

Random thoughts flooding my mind as I watched the movie, what if one day it’ll also happen to me? What if I encountered an accident that will change my life?  What if I won’t survive?  Who will make me stay when I already lose the people I value the most — my family?

“Losing me will hurt; it will be the kind of pain that won’t feel real at first, and when it does, it will take her (his) breath away.
Gayle Forman, If I Stay

Then I remembered you, the Adam of my life.

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http://ilariatrinca.tumblr.com/post/97427896011/if-you-live-or-if-you-die-its-all-up-to-you

I then asked myself, what will be your life without me in it?  Will you lock yourself again in your room and be alone for weeks? Will you sing me a song on my deathbed? Will you bring me tequila while I’m struggling between staying or leaving this world full of giant bull craps?  I’m imagining you without me in it. Damn, that’s so terrible. Aha, no crazy friend you can spend an hour with, no one to argue with, no one to share work secrets and frustrations… no Shao in your world anymore.

I won’t deny to this but I’ve wanted to die multiple times already especially during my darkest days. I wanted to be with Dad, to be able to find comfort in his arms again and to finally find peace but I guess despite my longing to my father I still have reasons to live. I still want to live in this big fat gigantic stinking messy chaotic world. I still want to live because it’s beautiful to live and it’s more beautiful to live if you know you’re living for others. I want to live my life partly for my dreams and for you because I’m happy whenever I’m with you. Life’s less stressful, less daunting.

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http://ilariatrinca.tumblr.com/post/97427896011/if-you-live-or-if-you-die-its-all-up-to-you

I found this beautiful poem online that summarizes what I feel about someone while I’m working on this post.

A Pretty Sight

You said you weren’t that much of a pretty sight
I’ll tell you now
How wrong you were
And how I am right.

The pretty light that shines
In your eyes when you look up
Exceeds the sun a thousand times
And warms my heart, you buttercup.

The profoundness of your smile
Scares me to the bone
Because it’s all I want and need
And deprivation makes loneliness known. 

Your hands make you a wizard
For they draw my heart so near
And to love you is to lose you
Is now my one spell of fear. 

Pretty is so wrong a word
For a person whose heart is undeterred
Who owns the swift grace of a hummingbird. 

You said you weren’t that much of a pretty sight
I’ll tell you now
How wrong you were
And how I am right. 

You’re no pretty sight to me
For beauty, that is all I see.

Anonymous

Because in this lifetime, we’ll find that one person that will make us live no matter what. I guess I’ve found mine.

(“3 Little Things by Jason Mraz is on the background as I write this blog post ❤❤❤)

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Got the pic from: http://www.bustle.com/articles/36391-17-of-the-most-romantic-if-i-stay-quotes-we-need-to-see-in-the-film

“Sometimes you make choices in life and sometimes choices make you.”
Gayle Forman, If I Stay

I always say that I like my choices and wherever I am right now, I thank God for guiding me all the way.

 
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Posted by on September 14, 2014 in life

 

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